SquirrleyMojo:

Blogging

2009-06-14T09:24:00.002-04:00

You know, blogging was funner, for me, before everyone was doing it (I'm quite aware of how teenish that sounds).

But now, I use blogging in my teaching and in professional development workshops.
Last year, everyone in my circle was talking about blogging in their courses and the news has also been using blogging more and more.

Of course I'm glad folks are blogging--writing and writing. But once blogging hit mainstream, I just lost interest. Now it's twitter and facebook, so I'm kindof back. But the pizazz isn't here.

It seems pointless to log these historic days from my insignificant (I'm just being realistic) point-of-view when thousands upon thousand are blogging theirs.

2009-06-07T08:18:00.002-04:00

I wonder what Ruby Payne would say about this case I found on Yahoo! News:

Neal Wanless' [23 year old from South Dakota who won $232 million in a state lotto] winnings are certainly enough to set him and his family up for life, but past lottery winners have burned through vast fortunes in spectacular fashion or found that they were better off before they struck it rich.

Evelyn Marie Adams won the New Jersey lottery twice in the mid-1980s but still managed to lose the entire $5.4 million.

And there's West Virginia's Jack Whittaker, who won $315 million on Christmas day, 2002, and five years later was blaming the money for causing his granddaughter's fatal drug overdose, his divorce, his inability to trust and hundreds of lawsuits filed against him.

"I don't have any friends," he told The Associated Press in 2007. "Every friend that I've had, practically, has wanted to borrow money or something and of course, once they borrow money from you, you can't be friends anymore."

Susan Bradley, whose company in Palm Beach, Fla., the Sudden Money Institute, provides financial planning to the abruptly wealthy, said it's a good sign that Wanless took his time to come forward.

"No opportunity to buy or invest in all that is going to go away," she said. "They have plenty of time."

But she said Wanless will likely experience the same sense of isolation that many other large jackpot winners do.

"They've lost their peers. They are substantially different from everyone that they know," she said.

Bradley said lottery winners should make sure they have enough money to live a modest lifestyle and take a year or two before deciding to buy real estate or make risky purchases. It's important that the winners communicate that strategy to others hoping to direct their financial planning, she said.

These folks who do "backbreaking work" have no framework for economics--that's something people are born into. Instead of knowing how to invest, they are socialized to "take care of each other" . . .

I'm alive!

2009-06-03T07:40:00.000-04:00

Security is tight though and I don't use this computer any more.

I've become a mac person.

Last Words of WIsdom

2008-12-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

Try Healthy Choices

Chicken Tortilla soup.

That is all.

November Dreams

2008-11-11T08:28:00.006-05:00

I dreamed that Michele Obama and I were best friends.

She was preparing for a major coming out party in DC
snce she was a princess from abroad,
so she and her two daughters hid in a trailer,
in the back woods of Appalachia. I had just bought the place
because it had a pool--a pool on cinder blocks.

Michle let me wear her ground fatiques from the first
Desert Stoem. I knew it was a rare privilege, even if
she swore they meant nothing to her and the press
was always trying to get her to say they did.

Life at the trailor was going well, and I couldn't believe
my good fortune. That is, until my MIL decided to visit.

I was shocked to see her there, trying to climb up the steps.
I knew I should introduce them, but to my horror, MIL said:
"Well, if it isn't Condoleezza Rice!"
What an utterly racist thing to say! I was ruined! Having my brain
splathered with such a statement, I stuttered; I had forgotten
the First Lady's name. I ran and hid in the bathroom, deperately
racking my brain for a name that started with a "V."

Jump cut to the inaugration. Somehow I snuck in and was trying to
convince those who stood by that Michele and I were best friends.
No one bought it. Instead, we all wanted to talk about her dress
and the fact that she got to design it herself.
What a lovely peach, frilly, sequined sloofa.

I tried to get her attenetion, but, understandably, she had
cameras to worry about. Well, I had a camera too, so I decided to
focus on her girls, who recognized me and graced me with affection.

They swam in the fountains and I took underwater pictures of them.
I knew they could open their eyes underwater and snapped a shot
to show Michele. She was watching, kindof sadly. There was no way she could
join us and she knew she was missing out.

Awww. . .Did I really miss September?

2008-10-10T07:48:00.001-04:00

I had the neatest post figured out
during my long commute yesterday . . .

but now it's gone.

If I had a duaghter,
she'd skip school and go see Obama speak
at our Court House today.

It Must have went Something like This:

2008-08-14T09:09:00.002-04:00

Oh! Oh! And then, yeah, then Peter Dinklage
pops up from the casket,
foaming and cracked out of his mind on LSD . . .

Guess that tune.

You Know How I Swing

2008-08-08T15:09:00.002-04:00

Those who want Obama will see his Hawaii
vacation as a strong family statement, a statement
from a well-balanced person, a statement of confidence.

Those who don't want Obama will see his Hawaii
vacation as a waste, an elite luxuary, a fatal flaw.

Meanwhile, Georgia starts it w/Russia on 08/08/08???
Journalist in Asia must feel dreamy today.

Oooo--Rough way to start Monday

2008-08-04T08:34:00.001-04:00

when you read the first line of your blog--
and its garble makes absolutely no sense--
you know you have started a monday that reaffirms
all of the self-doubt and insecurities
you tried to master over the weekend.

it sucks.

but not as much as Tom Cruise--thanks, Lizard.

Overwhelmed by Technology

2008-07-27T08:51:00.003-04:00

For my newest hat my Sup bought me
a fabulous MACBOOK PRO.

I'm so intimidated. It has everything--
including 250 gb and every program out there
for both Macs and Windows (it can boot as either).

I can take it home or whatever--it's mine.
Where is it?
On my desk 55 miles away.

Meanwhile, the branch campus
just received a $350,000+ technology grant
that I could possibly tap into for my tutors
at the Writing Center--

but what would I even ask for?

I mean, there are probably over 80 PC stations
in the Learning Commons
with Windows 2007 and only 40% are ever used at any given time.

I don't know why I am so resistant to this
technology push in academia;
I just don't trust it.
I often feel as if "technology" is some Snoopy Band-aid
that admin tries to slap on folks when the scores are low.

I probably just don't get it.
I'm probably not "utilizing" (I hate that word) all that tech has to offer.
Publishing ops for students, in particular.

But seriously, what was/is wrong with the iBook G4 I have
sitting at my feet? What will we do with it now?

I have input on how to use a couple of budgets now,
but honestly, I don't know how to spend the money.

Race & Medical Care

2008-07-04T08:35:00.004-04:00

Outrageous!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/07/03/hospital.woman.death/index.html

There should be riots on the street!

And I think I get my own room.

2008-06-29T08:51:00.003-04:00

There are two places in the US I have sworn off:
Texas and Vegas.

Guess where the NCTE will be held this year? San Antonio.
Guess where the IWCA will be held? Vegas.
Guess who is required to go in her new position?

Well, at least they'll be paid for.

D*mn, last year NCTE was NY.

If I had cyotes, and they grew up listening to be talk about TX,
they'd probably ask:

"Don't they have guns in Texas? Will you get shot?"

Bit Sheepish

2008-06-22T10:21:00.003-04:00

Aww. I meant that I was finished
teaching for the Spring Quarter.

However, I did turn down 3 departments for this Fall.
So, I won't be teaching again until September, and then *only*
2 classes.

Meanwhile, this summer, I have to work. Do I sound like a spoiled brat?
Teachers often do when it comes to summer work!
I will be co-director of the U's Writing Project
and coordinating the Writing Center at the regional.

Fact: No novel writing ahead any time soon for me . . . anyway,
I still have no characters or plots!
Never fear though, Morrison didn't get started until late in the game either.

No, instead, yes, I'll be applying back to grad school this Fall,
set to begin Fall 2009;
working toward it for 5 years I suppose (actually, I do believe
Fate will intervene and I will be saved from that ending--let's see).

ENergizing Vacation? You bet.
I just came back from a 6 day trip to the OuterBanks
where I spent time reading and thinking about Parker Palmer's
_The Courage to Teach_.
Our Summer Institute begins tomorrow,
and it is an intensive 4-week revival of sorts.

We (teachers of writing K-16+) will come together to read, write, research,
and share teaching strategies in attempt to address
the educational crisis we currently find ourselves in.

Palmer's ideas include building community, embracing paradoxes (eg. theory/action), and reconstructing a wholeness between our spiritual, emotional, and intellectual selves. All "touchy-feely"--just the way I like it! (Without the New Age Mysticism edge.)

Our director is a fabulous guru who is perfect for such an event; my job will be to "shadow" the program and be prepared to step in this Fall.

I think I'm ready!

Ripping Metaphors

2008-06-07T10:34:00.002-04:00

Yeeeowww!

I'm finished teaching!

I turned down 3 departments for Fall!

It's like a fresh new blanket of virgin snow
awaits my design . . .

Bully.

2008-05-25T08:31:00.002-04:00

What's so funny? A lamp shade on the head
during a somber winter? not hardly.
Make it new.
So the wires, speakers, mouse, printer, and power,
wrap around my feet as I type
the coffee mug, cell phone, and compressed dust remover.
Hoorah.
So, I'll go to her eyeliner, outlining the same beady blues
I never noticed years ago; that tooth--well, I hear you
can throw it on the roof in some parts of the world,
bury it in others. I wouldn't embalm it in gold,
wear it on my ear lobe. But that's just me.
I mean no disrespect.

Wake Around!

2008-05-23T19:01:00.002-04:00

Don't you think putting a band-aid on someone's cut in the back room of an office-type setting can be, well, a bit intimate?
When is nice too far?
I don't get it--I'm no Demi Moore . . .

Meanwhile, I can't support Hillary's latest shenaniegan:
bringing up (hoping for) an assination is a new low.
I just can't wriggle a justification for that one in this climate.
So. That's finished. On with Obama.

I've narrowed my field:
Writing Center Coordinator and Writing Project Co-director.
I'll teach a max of 2 classes on the side.
Done.

Swinging back and forth on the PhD: today? No. Absolutely not.

Does anyone know if there is some sort of Wiki Stats Site?

But I'd have Popcorn and Snowcaps

2008-05-10T09:00:00.003-04:00

if i had kids--true billy jane goats--
it might go like this:

Partner: Wanna see Iron Man?
Me: Nah.
Partner: You know, I might take the boys.

Now, let's just pretend I had, say, twins even.

Me: The boys? What's that rated?
Partner: Well. . .
Me: PG-13, right?
Partner: For comic violence-
Me: "Comic" violence? WTH? You know when our daughter was 12, turning 13 in a month, you wouldn't let her go to the flicks with her friends--oh yeah, I remember. Now? Now you let the boys play Call of Duty 4 and Halo! Next it's Iron Man? Who am I married to? Do you know I teach WS? What a crock of double-standards.

(I wonder if some double-standards are more about birth order?)

Partner: Then who's going to go with me?
Me: Hello? Our 15-year-old daughter?
Partner (sheepishly): Oh. Yeah.

But, you know, I wouldn't really get the one-up in this battle if we had kids. No, knowing my luck the evening would end with me taking the nine-year-old boys to see Nim's Island, with all of us bored out of our skulls.

checking in

2008-05-04T19:57:00.003-04:00

SO--
Did I tell you that I'm a co-director
for a summer writing institute
at the main campus this summer?

well, i'm shadowing and will become so in July.
that's what I've been doing for the last two Sats
out of three. . .

big news: i helped a woman from nepal get into grad school!
i'm so happy for her--she's so engaged, thoughtful, charismatic, smart
yadda yadda
and she was thrilled (she had tried last year and didn't make it)
i feel so very glad
like i did something right

meanwhile, the writing center still goes.
no one at the main campus can figure out why i don't give it up . . .
but it's mine. i want to see it excel.
and i love my tutors. i want to take care of them.
people don't repect the regionals like they should--
actually, some of the disrepect is self-loathing. . .
aiya

and i'm being lasoed into the phd program--
folks are looking for ways to waive my foreign lang rec . . .
it's great to be so wanted,
but MAN, i don't wanna!

i'm like a big fat baby! kicking its limbs and wailing--

so, this fall, i may not teach.
and if i do, maybe only one class.
can you imagine??
good thing too--I'm BURNT, FRIED. Done.

but being with folks in rhet comp
is energizing-- i want to start the phd program in a smallish
way--a fraction of me buzzes

but can you imagine if i had children?
what would it be like to devote myself
to some academic endeavor day in and day out,
missing on story time (really this is a priority i wouldn't actually miss), plays, soccer practice,
dentist appointments, cookies, school pancake day, etc?

year after year?

then end up like Beatty--retired and alone. No one
knowing who he is?

but.

i can't have fun (anymore) anyway, so why not work all the time?
are soccer practices all they're cracked up to be?
what if it's clod, boring, and your kid doesn't get to play.
what if a-holes ruin the game?

my partner and i haven't even made it for a month.
for the first time in 12 years, he's stopped kissing me every day.
(and you think not blogging is bad)
naturally, we feel all distant and crabby toward each other--

by the way, he's back in school full time too--
starting about 5 weeks ago--if that helps to make sense of it all.

see why i don't blog??
gripe gripe gripe

i get a vaction in june. to the beach for 6 days.
maybe i can reprogram

oh--and thanks for the cool e-card!!
SWEET
hope you enjoyed your trip

the summer institute will have a blog on this server!!
should i hook you up to it?
or will it give me away??

2008-04-06T09:15:00.002-04:00

I liked Jodi Foster's _The Brave One_--
perhaps a little too much.
In fact, it kindof scared me how much I enjoyed
her blowing away the bad guys . . .

I've had _The Kite Runner_ all weekend,
but I've been so hesitant to watch it . . .

Figures.

2008-03-24T08:52:00.001-04:00

I'm finally on break
and the 4 people I read here
are having lives or something
and won't post.

Painful Insecurities--where might I be without them?

2008-03-21T09:59:00.003-04:00

Look what I wrote on March 21st, 2005:

Why do I not keep open dialogue?
Because I am in hiding. Duh.
The more I speak to my superiors, the more risk
I take in being "discovered."
Which is why this college teaching stint is at an end.
Yes, at an end.
For real this time.
Like Jerry S., I know when to exit.
I must exit while there is still some hope of a nod at a reference,
a bridge from which to cross over to my next career.
Three to four years in one spot is tops for me.
It has been three.

I then proceed to outline my escape from this U.

Seriously.
Has my whole life spun in circles?

Spring Break

2008-03-21T09:50:00.001-04:00

Finally.
Thank goodness too--I have so much to do.
You know?

Astronomy, Easter, and You

2008-03-13T22:20:00.004-04:00

Seriously, Easter in less than a week after
St. Patrick's Day?

I need it to go back to April.

Here's what I found out: Easter is a non-fixed holiday
that depends on the cycle of the moon. The moon?!
Why is a Christian holiday dependent on the moon?

And, if you look at a calendar, the idea of celebrating
the feast after the first full moon following the 21st
(the vernal equinox) makes no sense . . .

until you dig deeper and understand that we are not dealing with a simple astronomical full moon, but an eccelesiastical full moon.
(See, the vernal equinox is not fixed astronomically, but the Church fixed it on the 21st . . .)

Nah. I don't really understand it either. That's just what wikipedia tells me:

"The calculations for the date of Easter are somewhat complicated. In the Western Church, Easter has not fallen on the earliest of the 35 possible dates, March 22, since 1818, and will not do so again until 2285. It will, however, fall on March 23 in 2008, but will not do so again until 2160. Easter last fell on the latest possible date, April 25, in 1943 and will next fall on that date in 2038. However, it will fall on April 24, just one day before this latest possible date, in 2011.

The cycle of Easter dates repeats after exactly 5,700,000 years, with April 19 being the most common date, happening 220,400 times, or 3.9% compared to a mean for all dates of 162,857 times, or 2.9%."

("Easter")

So, how about next year? Can we see an April? I want a 2,000 year Easter calendar.

Slapped Around

2008-03-13T22:02:00.002-04:00

I don't think universities should take money
from people, who barely passed their GEDs
and are borrowing cash to go to college
because they truly believe that any type of degree
will dig them and their children out of poverty,
without providing them with an honest education.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think it's wrong to take
their money and either 1) simply pass them even when
they cannot contruct a subject and verb sentence
after 10 weeks of instruction or 2)fail them without
providing them with every resource to succeed.

I know acadamia is now an industry; I know that I am not alone,
nor the first, in having these concerns.

But perhaps I am the loudest at the regional campus since 2005;
and pushing admin to reevaluate placement policies
when I've only been in the mix for less than 6 months
was a stupid move. If I had the energy,
I'd bore you with the details.
Just trust me, this place is brutal--
and I'm not the only one getting beat on . . .
Ironically, I've been offered a promotion on the main campus--
but I'd have to take a paycut (wierd) and pay 100+ miles
in gas a day . . .

Meanwhile, tomorrow is my last class this quarter! Yipee!
I got my retirement statement today--21 more years
for the bare minimum? Uh. yikes.

Crazies.

96.0

2008-02-26T21:35:00.004-05:00

Every evening, for the past couple of weeks/a month,
a some point,
I've needed to jump in a tub of scalding bubbles
to soak. I'm freezing.

In 14 minutes, I'm fine. I try to resume my evening,
but usually I'm exhausted/sleepy.

Last night, I >bing< decided to take my temperature:

96.0 Fahrenheit

Now, I normally run under anyway, so don't be too shocked--
but still! 96.0?
Talk about cold feet!

Hawaii 5-o?

2008-02-26T21:25:00.001-05:00

I'm being wisked away Saturday @noon
to some mysterious destination,
only to return on Sunday evening . . .

doubt if that means the beach.

Is Summer Here?

2008-02-24T22:16:00.003-05:00

I am getting so much tougher on my grading.
For example, a woman sh*t on a piece of paper
and turned in in for the extra-credit
I had offered her.

I gave it a 65.

Women in my WS200 are getting Cs and Ds.
Unbelievable.
One woman I work with at the Writing Center
agrees that I am handing that class over with ice cream
on the side.

There's nothing more I can do.

I ask for an essay--they give me a single sentence!
Insane.

Half of the class, which is about 6, are close to failing.
My evaluations are going to burn when I read them--

I never thought I would ever EVER think
or utter the following seemingly-self-important--elitist thought:

maybe some people don't belong at the university.

Gasp. I know. Maybe those people just don't belong at certain times
in their lives or for reasons I don't understand . . .

[I mean, I wouldn't belong on a boat at sea; in an IT office;
at a CEO meeting; in a film; or in a surgical unit (as a physician).]

The difference is that the U is a gatekeeper: you can't be X
if you don't do Y.

I've never been in the position where I felt it was time
to rope the door, or redirect to another door--
IT FEELS HORRIBLE.
So we take the disenfranchised, those who's governments
have let them down in oh-so many ways, and say, sure--got a GED?
Well, then, come to college.
Then, lowly English instructors are faced with the dilemma:
"Golly gee, this person doesn't know how to write in complete
sentences, yet, she's done all the work and is sincere (not to
mention her personal narrative was so full of utter anguish)--
do I pass or fail her"?
maybe these people don't give a sh*t about what academics
and scholars are trying to teach or explore . . .
which is ok, but why come?

maybe our society falsely values a university
education to the point where people feel like the only
way to "succeed" is to earn some type of degree
even if they believe the whole process is bologna.
so they half-ass all of their assignments,
but don't tell me.

maybe people are just interested
in the "overage" their student loans provide (2,000+)
a quarter because they've never seen or had access
to those amounts
in single lumps before.

maybe I really am teaching at a MA level and I'm rebelling
against this campus' low expectations
by bashing my head on a brick wall.

maybe my teaching just sucks, everyone hates the class,
and students merely hope to survive with minimal attendance.

maybe WS200 is last on the priority list for real women
in their 30s who have real jobs, real families,
and "real" Math 101 classes.

maybe, probably no of my concerns will matter 10, 20, 50 years
from now. or even tomorrow.
then again, i could help someone get through school
and break the cycle of poverty for generations to come.

back to my original idea: if people do the work, no failing.
Cs.
I need to accustom myself to the idea that A students
probably go onto Yale or something; Bs and Cs are acceptable.

So, why am I wigging out that only 2 women are getting As
(ie. doing the work) in my WS200????

Ack--I need to find some reading on this!

Heartsick about the Straw

2008-02-23T10:28:00.004-05:00

Don't you just hate fussing with your mate?

Usually my own second-guessing
and self-reflecting
keep me from pointing fingers too long;
usually, I can't be serious about the feud
for over two hours--
I'll look in his eyes, and then smile.

life's too short and fussing seems too trivial.
Plus, he's great at seeing his own faults too.

Not this time.

This time, a boundary has been crossed,
a limit has been exceeded.
And I need to stand firm b/c people's feelings are being hurt.

(Secretly, I fear this has been a marriage of convienance
for the last 5 or so years.
People change during periods of their life--
what a challenge to hold on to a promise
made 12 years ago to someone who is totally different
by someone else totally different herself!)

"F*ckette"

2008-02-19T20:37:00.003-05:00

After _Sex and the City_, episode 50 from season 6,
"The Real Me,"
dropped the "F" bomb about 8 times
in my class today,
the woman in the back huffed and puffed,
gathered her books and notes,
then slammed out of class.

Surrounding students bathed in the drama of that moment.

Secretly bored with the academic apathy of this group,
I suspect that the same woman,
who has missed 70% or more of class,
simply wanted a reason to leave this one too.
We had 40 minutes left and 3 handouts to go through.
What better excuse?

Meanwhile Writing Center drama builds . . .

I'd just rather be removed. I liked the annonimity
of being an adjunct: walk into class, lay my thang down,
and leave. No strings.

Here? Ideally, for the next couple years, I will watch
students either thrive or fail.
It's the failing part that's making me whince.

I just hope no one brings a gun to campus.

A Letter to a Poet Friend: I do standout; I don't fit it

2008-02-16T12:08:00.003-05:00

How did I survive MA?

I lived [an hour away], remained friendly and engaged in professional chitchat, and simply didn't participate in activities that weren't career oriented. By second year (much like 8th grade, ehem), alliances had been built and torn down so much that I was among the few standing off to the side amid the rubble.

Bored with each other, I believe my colleagues found me curious--b/c I kept my personal life totally to myself, most didn't realize I even [shocking aspect of myself]. Ironically, I think a few made it a quest to figure out who this [SQ] person was--lol!

Then, naturally, when they found out, most moved on. I can only remember two or three parties at the end I went to (always awkwardly). Sigh. Now? Well, I feel a little more settled in my career and I'm looking around thinking, gee, my social life sucks. The 4 friends I did make in my MA are scattered over the country and our emails have dwindled. Weekends are full of [the mundane], and, well, prison-work (more on that later).

You? Well, you are in a totally different situation. I think poetry is about community. Those patterns of behavior we develop in HS seem to follow and haunt us all the way through adulthood ([my partner] sees it at his office constantly--my Writing Center is full of it).

Personally, I think that's why I studied theory--like bell hooks, it helped me survive. Standing away from the situation, viewing it from an artificial distance, reclaiming an "outside" position in my own terms, and trying to understand myself in terms of social patterns and signifiers, yadda yadda, takes away the hurt feelings.

You? Again, your studies puts you in the center of all those complex ways humans interact and try to have power over each other--sigh. In fact, as a poet, you not only need all of that interaction, but you then have to sort it out and write about it ways that makes sense to the rest of us. Wow. No wonder you are having a rough time. That's my take on it.

So use all of these experiences as fuel for the fire--when you build your poetry high enough, we can all gather around, warm ourselves, and, heck roast marshmellows. :-)

2008-02-06T18:55:00.000-05:00

Behind the apartment complex
they spread out tattered towels
on the hillside,
rubbed baby oil,
sometimes vegetable oil,
on young limbs
and watched neighborhood boys
scuffle in dust around the old elm.

After a few hours,
when the sun's rays slanted
across the parking lot across the way,
they spat out gum in tall grass
while walking home
with bare feet on hot pavement
and ground bits of glass.

Later that night,
they would wet sheets and spread them flat
on shag carpet
in front of tv sets and box fans,
peeling strips of potato rinds,
soothing aloe,
for hot skin.

Wax Fruit

2008-02-05T07:02:00.000-05:00

My mother kept a piece of wax fruit, a peach
to be precise (I remember its artificial fuzz--
now worn off),
that had imprints of my two front baby teeth
from where I once tried to bite it.

This memory always makes me sad, if you knew
more of my circumstance you would understand,
and seeing my own fruit basket this morning
resurfaced it again. Only I have a couple avacados,
a fugi apple, some bananas, and a freaky applepear
hybrid that nature never intended--but they are real
and full of juice. Cucumbers, even in February,
are in the fridge.

Nature/Nurture Debate Still Rages

2008-02-01T14:34:00.000-05:00

1. Is homosexuality a genetic trait like gender or race?
2. Can crimonality be traced to a chromozone?
3. Are male brains wired to compute mathmatics more effeciantly than womens'?

4. "If a man and a woman were dropped on the middle of two seperate islands with nothing else to survive but their instincts, wouldn't he kill to live and the woman die?" Spoken with pure authority and conviction.

Answer: "What?!?! Haven't you ever seen Survivor?!?" Asked incredulously.

Rebuttal: "That's a TV show!" Now shouting: "You can't tell me a man couldn't hunt a deer down and skin it--"

The class is roaring; two men sqirm and say that's nasty; one woman hunts with her grandmother--

Me? I watch the clock and wonder what answer they will give when I ask next week on the exam, how epistemology factors into his next rebuttal about the "Cavemen who had instincts to kill, kill, kill."

2008-01-30T21:52:00.001-05:00

Reparations--a word on my WS100 terminology quiz--
a voice in Australia calling to the Stolen Generation
along a Rabbit Fence--
mud cookies in the news--
where do you and I fit in?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/31/world/asia/31australia.html

Fridge

2008-01-26T14:13:00.000-05:00

Faced her green blouse and dangling earrings,
wondering if she'd let me in--
previously others had directed me to a piece
hanging on the wall--
a box with three skinned women inside,
some wire.

Black shoulders, shoulder-to-shoulder,
turned away from the art,
turned away from me,
not letting me into
the conversations, wine, and cheese.

Mirrors and frames,
dominoes and monarchs,
inflated tags, spinning candles
made me finally snicker--

walk back to the parking lot
amid the snow
and fallen glances.

::HAPPY DANCE::

2008-01-25T17:52:00.000-05:00

hey, i had a good day!

let's put this down for the record.

same class as last week; walked in, lectured for an hour;
showed _Crash_ (sigh--yeah, they've never seen it);
much more reasonable discussion.

back to the Writing Center for our quarterly meetings;
everyone is happy to work there. seriously.

now? dinner even!

Neat-o

2008-01-22T22:47:00.001-05:00

Check out Webster:

http://www.webster.com/info/07words.htm

"Woot" is absolutely nothing like "yay"!
"Woot" has an in-your-face connotation,
whereas "yay" drips rainbows and emo-smiley faces.

A Whole 'Nother Campus; WS200

2008-01-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

"I'm so done with _Thelma and Louise_!" me, venting
my frustrations that the film had to be dragged out until today
due to technical difficulties.

"I'm so done with the class!" the 65 year-old woman exclaimed.
"I'm sorry--but what does any of this have to do with feminist issues?!"

"Wow. Gee." I stuggle to remain composed. "Maybe if you had been
here the first day of class when I explained these connections
you'd understand better. Or maybe read the syllabus?"

"Even the book you have us reading [Toni Morrison's _Beloved_]
is all about slavery and blacks--not women--" she continued.

Next quarter? Instead of creating a reading packet,
incorporating film, analazing internet resources, etc.,
I shall: Assign one, single, $80 text "Feminist Issues."
Read Chapter one.
Read Chapter two.
Read Chapter three.
Test.
Repeat.

Her implied question? "If I'm here to get my degree, to get my money,
how is reading this book going to get me money? What does this black
literature have to do with me, with my success?"

Perhaps these are valid questions.

If I could put my index finger into a wall socket
and shock my brain back into academic curiosity concerning
my students and how best to teach them, I would.

What a Glorious Day that Will Be

2008-01-21T12:09:00.000-05:00

Somehow the significance that MLK was only 39
when he was gunned down
escaped me.

If you'd like:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080120/ap_on_re_us/mlk_legacy

Not Even Light or Low-cal

2008-01-20T11:01:00.000-05:00

Why am I covering everything in ranch dressing?

I dipped a grilled cheese sandwhich in the stuff. Crispy food
simply taste better with ranch . . . even grapes.

[No, not preggers, either. Hey, _Juno_ sucked--well, disappointed. Jason Bateman was so creepy his performance haunts--the only good aspect of the film.]

Is my body just that serious about keeping those extra two pounds?? Or--what mineral is Kraft ranch dressing providing that my body lacks all of the sudden? Perhaps--Kraft has started using opium as a suppliment?

Time to get out my old chemistry set.

I See Blood

2008-01-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

I try to be prepared for racism
on that campus, but everytime I feel ready
to stand they knock me back down.

Today?

I was working against the tide pretty well,
getting ready to cover "color-blind" racism
and "underground" attitudes
when some 18-year-old tiny voice in the back
decides to enlighten us all:

"Well, I work at the [new, local, affluent] mall,
and they are just destroying it--
ruining everything."

Yes, she meant blacks. Yes, she thought the entire
white, suburban class of 35 would agree with her.
Yes, she felt safe in saying that in front of me,
her "white" teacher.

I let my jaw drop and simply stared around the room.

"I'm not racist or anything--it's just now that
they're coming in, the whole place is going to crap--what?
I'm not racist--I feel like the minority now"

"In her defense," another woman picks up the standard,
"I think she's talking about the shooting up there."

_Her_ defense? And my class says Audre Lorde is a racist
for saying white women don't understand the struggles
of black women.

I collapsed in a chair. 20 minutes left
of this 4 hour class and I'm exhausted.

Yesterday I tutored a bi-racial young man
who could barely write, but he wanted his essay to say:
I am studying psychology because I admire my mother
who traveled from Honduras to the [the bleak state] to seek out a better life.
Also, I understand the poverty and sorrow she experienced as a child
because I experienced my own challenges, being partially deaf
and consistantly made fun of all through [a local HS] school because of
my IEP and my ethnicity.

He grew up maybe 40 minutes away from the previous chic
mentioned above. I see how much pain whites inflict
on people of color; I see how opportunities are not all the same.

So, how much more can a young teacher take without
fantasizing violence?

If I had a daughter, perhaps she would console me; perhaps
she would point out all the white men in history who have begun
wars and killed hundreds of thousands without the notoriety
of the mall shooter, without their actions being attributed
to the color of their skin.

Dust Brothers Don't know Shirley

2008-01-17T18:42:00.000-05:00

Can you imagine if I had children?
3rd grade. 10th grade.

I'd be an educational machine.

2008-01-16T22:51:00.000-05:00

Who knew Mr. Smallwood
would carry so much anger year after year?

SQ is Morphing into SQ Rabid Mojo at the Regional Campus

2008-01-15T19:15:00.000-05:00

I have a common last name that can be spelled
in about 3 ways--and then the way I spell it.

As if I don't struggle with this odd spelling enough,
the IT guy who finally hooked up my Outlook 2007
didn't bother to check the spelling of my name.

It's actually causing problems now--people are unable
to respond to my emails.

But, again, it's only been 6 weeks. Maybe I should give
him a couple more days to fix it?

"Waves"

2008-01-13T10:14:00.000-05:00

Brief Historical Overview
in Class Friday:

First Wave:
1848--Seneca Falls
18blah blah--13th Admend
followed by 14th Admend
1870-something women's suffrage bill introduced
1920 Right to Vote-Roaring 20s--Flappers

30s--Depression & survival
40s--The War to end all Wars--Rosie the Riveter
50s--Back to Housewives--pink appliances--MRS degrees--Valium

Second Wave:
60s--Civil rights movement--Vietnam--Betty Friedan
70s--Women in Academia--epistemological questions--battered shelters
80s--Backlash--Reagan--big hair--debt
90s--Technology--Gay rights--more debt

Now?
Terrorism--globalization--environment--and addiction

It's the addiction part that struck me. Meanwhile,
I checked out Showtime's _Weeds_ for a student who
thought we should analyze it in WS200. Yes, it's well written,
but the way it normalizes weed! How naive have I become?
I thought maybe 50% of the population smoked--
is it more like 80%?

Addiction is a central Q for our society now, but
does it define who we are?

2008-01-12T08:41:00.000-05:00

Saturday? Seriously?
My last post was Wednesday?

I'll never get a handle of this time warp thing.

Today? What's APA?

2008-01-09T18:20:00.000-05:00

Met with Geography Man today--
what a riot!

I feel guilty for posting this,
but the handbook he wanted me to use
was from 1977!

"Outdated, huh?" he smiled.

"Um, well, yeah," I hesitated, "There's been
this whole computer thing . . ."

Yesterday? That would be Tuesday, right?

2008-01-09T18:04:00.000-05:00

At 10am I had planned to negotiate
the double class, so I left a message in room 101
with WS200 and briskly headed down the hall to room 103
to tell ENG150 they would be rescheduled.

Only room 103 was being used to teach WS100
--"doubled-booked."

"That's impossible," claimed the Dean after he saw me headed
toward the information desk, students like duckies behind me
all in a row. He hid behind his hands
whispering _I'm not here_. "The computer's software
is designed to not allow that."

He barked a few orders and soon discovered that, indeed, 103
had been double-booked.
By the time I had sorted out the mess
and headed back to WS200 at 10:30, a quiet little headache
I had been nurturing ruptured.

I lectured through and, determined,
headed to the Writing Center afterward.

Sitting at my computer, developing a presentation
I'll be giving to a geography class on Monday,
the headache turned migrain.

I've never really experienced a migrain, apparently.

My head began to hurt in my throat; all of my teeth ached;
and I felt like vomiting my power bar. It refused to be ignored.

At 2:30 I stood up, told my staff I'd return by four,
and drove directly home. Two Aleve and two hours
after a nap, I returned to my office to clear my desk.

Couch, then bed by 9pm.

Yep, these are the types of posts I don't write.
You aren't missing much. ;-)

Less Than Glorious First Day Back

2008-01-07T21:42:00.000-05:00

Yikes--the U scheduled me to teach 2
unrelated classes at the same time: T/H 10-12noon.

Ummm . . . any thoughts on how to combine
Developmental Writing and Feminist Issues?

Meanwhile, what's ringworm?!?! and, ewww!

Wireless Pitfalls Around the House

2008-01-06T13:24:00.000-05:00

Don't you just hate when your partner
chews too loudly
and you are trying to think of a witty topic
for blogging?

Lazy Saturday, Again

2008-01-05T09:47:00.000-05:00

Yep. Time to pound out a meaningful syllabus.
See, if my standards weren't so high, there'd be no problem:
I'd recycle an older one, not caring about the nuances,
not evaluating which assignments were sucessfully productive . . .
but oh no, I want a "learning experience" for each of my students.

Geez, I haven't even mailed out my friend's Christmas gift yet.

Pretending to Know Something

2008-01-04T08:33:00.000-05:00

How could Hillary come in 3rd?
I mean, historically speaking, yes, Obama
should win, but 3rd?
Edwards? Edwards? Come on!

D*mn. She should have tipped that waitress in Iowa.
I mean, honestly, her refusal to leave a Grant on the counter
made me hesitate as well.
But Edwards?

Actually, these two guys are both a little creepy.

Doldrums? No more.

2008-01-03T12:51:00.000-05:00

Know that friend who invited me to Alaska?
Who studied in London for a year?
Who writes fabulous poetry
and once commented on this blog under "avacado"?

She and I may trek from Seattle to Houston at the end of March.

I had complained to her that I have yet to find my wardrobe.
Now, that's a friend.

Astrology 101

2008-01-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

Reading = hoping in this field.
Or a strange blend of hoping and fearing.

In my newly acquired _The Daring Book for Girls_,
I may learn which line on my palm represents fate,
but not how I might control fate (as if!).

We need to develop a science that can read our
freckles like the stars.

Happy 2008

2008-01-01T10:38:00.000-05:00

When I think of 2008,
I'll eye the twisting of the 8
and remember coupling
against the sounds of winter ice on our windows.

Dropping the Ball

2007-12-31T18:12:00.000-05:00

2007 kindof sucked--we all know that.

If 1907 used wood and iron, then perhaps we
should reconsider our elements.

What do diodes have to offer? Poetically speaking?
600 crystal in Times Squareis a good start,
manipulating the phrase "energy-effecient," however,
isn't that black slinky dress on New Year's Eve, ya know?

I may have dropped the ball.
Refused to play.
Pouted, even.
Then I had a good look around
and saw that there's simply nothing better to do.
D*mnit. Now I'll need to reinflate it.

So much for 2007

2007-12-30T11:27:00.000-05:00

But you know, I do think a second wave of blogging is about to emerge.
Grab your board, dude.

2007-12-20T16:14:00.001-05:00

Happy B-day sweet thang!

How to Double Your Weight Gain this Holiday Season

2007-12-16T11:07:00.000-05:00

Throw a party for 20+ people.
Prepare absolutely delicious foods for a least forty.

Coordinate the time of the party with a "snowstorm."

Sulk for two days that only 4 people were able to show up.

2007-12-14T14:17:00.000-05:00

Butterfly, he said.
I stared.

Cognitive Trappings

2007-12-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

I suppose the word "cognitive"
could be a very powerful word indeed--
especially if it was linked to some sort of test.

The harmful effective of labeling
occurs when the subject internalizes the label.

Drat those harmful tests!

Pickles?

2007-12-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

I need finger foods.

We are hosting a smallish gathering
of miscellaneous madmen/persons in a mystery men/person party theme.

I play Control Freak (not The Grammenator, thanks).
But I have no costume ideas.
I know I need to show cleavage, but otherwise, nada . . .
And powers?
What are my powers?
I'm blank.

Pickles would work for me, but not everyone.

Non-Conanianish type, I'd Wager

2007-12-04T18:41:00.000-05:00

If I had, say, an eight-year-old son,
he'd be afraid of tapeworms.

Until.

It would begin with a bag-o-treats
on beggar's night; he'd flop into the back seat
and pop a jawbreaker greedily into his face--
without having it checked.

"Stop!" I'd shout. "Do you want to get poisoned?"

Poisoned, poisoned . . . the words would echo
in his little head for days, perhaps even weeks.

People in his family would soon need to taste-test his food
before each meal.
(And he'd secretly have a point--where does it come from?)

News about China would be
abruptly turned off.

Bedtime rituals would contain a detox element
and frank discussions about common household cleaners.

Then, as climax to this chapter in his childhood,
his third grade teacher would introduce the class
to parasite/host relationships in science.

Hence, pale pictures of tapeworms.

Never fearing, ingeniously I would expand his knowledge
beyond the science books: tapeworms do indeed provide a service to their hosts.
They digest poisons. Particularly, poisonous jawbreakers.

::long awkward silence::

2007-11-28T20:22:00.000-05:00

. . . and here's November's post . . .

yep. life drips by in a dabble of scattered ellipses

October Post

2007-10-24T22:11:00.001-04:00

well, i guess it is

Get Thee to a Writing Center

2007-09-30T19:52:00.000-04:00

Week three? I've already lost count.

We are starting week five of the quarter
and all is well (besides the sh*t load of grading
sitting beside the fire place --think it will catch?).

The writing center gig is going well. The regional
campus serves about 1700 students; all the freshmen taking
composition classes are suppose to stop in--3x.

I have 6 really great tutors--well, 4.
Two of them I'm not so sure about.
Met with them Friday from 4-6 and I'm
simply exhausted. Very chatty group.
One may be trouble.
Not sure we actually accomplished much.
Eeee. Well, it is me.
Challenges challenges.

My partner finally forced me to use
the notebook he bought; VISTA, yuck.
I dread transfering all of my files . . .

I am on my feet about 12 hours a day (27 of those
teaching, 16 tutoring), 6 days a week--

so I guess that's one way to get SQ to buckle
to the system.

MC's On to Something Again

2007-09-09T08:56:00.000-04:00

Etcher, you may be right.

I taught the WS100 at one of the regional

yesterday and had a fine time--

the students seemed quite engaged.

Hmm.

Need to think about that more.

Meanwhile, the Writing Center position

has been finalized and I start next Friday.

Already, the WAC Director (who is also a close friend)

has given me an assignment

to bridge the gap

between main campus and regional.

In high spirits, I replied "No problem."

Aiya.

Also, should mention I was ambushed

Friday by the regional faculty

after the--

since when does SQ think you are interested

in office politics?

Shame on me.

Instead:

That metal sphere--so tight

beneath the water, compact

in its perfection. I rolled it

between my index finger and thumb--

noticed the way other tiny spheres

had gathered on the surface

of my thighs, stomach, and chest,

little air pockets perfect in their reflection.

I poked at each and watched in stillness

their rise to the surface, extinction

or transformation.

And I just might.

2007-09-07T09:03:00.000-04:00

I just want to wear my tennis shoes so badly!

I'm almost there--waering jeans and tennies everyday
and not giving a d*mn.

Yesterdays and yesterdays

2007-09-07T08:02:00.000-04:00

tired of the bush bashing (simply b/c after
5 years it's boring), i tried to challenge my new '07-'08
office mates w/what i considered critical thinking,
a new direction.

didn't float their boats. i had to explicitly laugh
and say, "I'm not defending bush!" No one
should need to do that where i come from.
now i'm cranky.

ws100 is sooo boring. when talking about the way people tend
to ignore differences, i often use the example
of the way we are taught as children "not to stare"
(which has quite complicated reprocussions for the
person being consistantly ignored).

Anyway. The class denied that socialization.
THEN they began to camp out in the "all-people-
are-individuals-not everyone acts the same--
people react differently--it depends on the circumstances--"

I could have snapped.

I wasn't calling out racism, sexism, or even homophobia.

I took a deep breath, gritted, smiled
and in pure sarcasim began:

"That is absolutely true.
You are all so right [and oh so smart]--
we Americans indulge in our capicity for individualism--
we love and embrace our choices--
are all individuals
everything in relative
it all depends--

but, however,

sometimes,

social scientist look for--

patterns.

Patterns in behavior.

Patterns in behavior among certain groups of people.

And we are here to look at those patterns.

I'm simply suggesting, that perhaps, in some families,
little children are taught not to stare at say, people in wheelchairs--"

Seriously. Is that such a big stretch? If it takes me
a f*cking 15 minutes to get that far,
I just don't want to go back.
Grr. cranky sob i am.

And then, at home, when I'm reduced to exasperated tears,
I see that maybe I shouldn't go back.
Those kids deserve someone with patience and love--
someone who will treat the material
as if it is new and fresh (just in the way they are encountering it).

What to do?
My ENG courses are great b/c I've started w/a new text.
Can I scrap the WS syllabus?

Today I am suppose to hear about the writing center position
at one of the branches--i'll take it.
take next quarter off from the main branch--
where everyone is white, wealthy, privileged
and unable to see any problems in the world (beyond
an empty beer can).

Grr. Weep weep.

Tip #1

2007-09-02T18:30:00.000-04:00

If you dump the shavings from the pencil sharpener,
the machine will sharpen pencils much more efficiently.

Tip #2
The word "efficiently" is "weird,"
according to the rhyme that babbles "except after 'c'";
yet, the real tricky part is the initial "i."

I kill me. Has blogging really come to this?

Nothing to Say--Everything to Do

2007-08-28T08:06:00.000-04:00

What a horrid binary.

This may be the quarter I crack.
6 classes and a new position.

Could you imagine if I ever decided to have kids?
Yes; I mean billy goats.

If I Put Something Up Here

2007-08-14T09:44:00.000-04:00

you wouldn't read it anyway.

Who's cynical? Just lazy
and looking to justify.

Is teaching merely
an escape from blue color families?

I have 35 hours coming up. Seriously.
14 on the main campus; 13 on two branches;
and now 16 (paid as 8) for the writing center.

No wonder I want to go back to bed.

106 Miles to Chicago

2007-08-08T08:28:00.000-04:00

Should I search profiles--
broaden our community?

I'm such a spurter; I swing to friend-mode,
become everything you could need and want in a friend,
then, exhausted, lasp to silence.

In shapeless guilt I read emails
that won't be answered for weeks,
watching Prufrock's sugar become my own.

Gasp! Ever notice a connection between Prufrock's
spoonful of sugar
and Mary Poppins?!? Weird.

Spider Pig, Spider Pig

2007-08-07T08:55:00.000-04:00

Oh the implications!
I now have so much material
to take back with me to WS101
this fall; further, thanks
to youtube, I can cue up the naughtiest clips--

Do you have a Corgi for Tuesday?

2007-07-30T09:29:00.000-04:00

I am all about Marlena Cervantes' new business offer:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070730/ap_on_bi_ge/rent_a_pet
[ironically, even if the owner cringes at snide "rent-a-pet" comments, as the article notes, Yahoo! ignores her preferrence and uses the phrase in its very address!]

Seriously, can you imagine how convienient that would be?
No longer would consumers need to choose between breeds--
we could have a different breed for every occasion . . .

Now, if only small children came packaged so neatly;
wait, they do: Foster care and Big Brother/Big Sister.

Final Words for WS350

2007-07-24T09:05:00.000-04:00

She writes: "Women need to be strong and stand up."

Over and over again. On every assignment.
So much for Feminist Theory this summer.

Capitalist Swine

2007-07-16T09:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I recognized this one:

a metallic, light blue power bar. and a metallic, light green
one right beside it.
Pretty. Cool. Inventive.
I had to have it.

My hand was moving toward it, when I realized
the ugly beige bar beneath my computer system back home
still served me just fine.

Not the Transformer post I wanted to write--

2007-07-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

"You need more confidence," he smirked with a laugh. There he sat with drink in hand, sloshing all over the table. We'll call him Ethan because I don't know any Ethans whom I could possibly insult with the following insight: Ethan was an ass.

And if having more confidence meant becoming (or, let's suggest "performing," even here) an ass to all those around me, I simply wanted no part of it. Even if the act of ass-ness is one route to power (i.e. power to act, power to gain and distribute resources that tend to boost the quality of life).

Yet, I knew deeply that Ethan had a point about my, er, lack. Or, could possibly have a point--I didn't know. Didn't want to think too much about it at the time. In fact the whole memory sort-of fades around that single moment like a soft-matted frame from a black and white film (admittedly, I remember in color, but black and white here sound more dreamy, more romantic). Have any studies been conducted on the way memory has been effected by film? Did people before the advent of film organize and shape their memories in the same way we do now? Another example: if I take snap shots of certain events, say Christmas morning, my memory is absolutely framed by those pictures as the years progress. Like Plato suggests with writing, perhaps film and photography have become crutches to our memory. Where was I?

Circles. Helene Cixous asks me to write my body as she laughs from the pages--what would she say about confidence? What has she said? I staggered over her pages again before a long long nap this afternoon. When I awoke, I had an email asking me if I'd be interested in running a writing center . . .

Writing? Ironically, I haven't written in so very very long. Why? Stagnant, I suppose. Meaning life events worth writing about. How I don't know. A child wants a bedtime story, papers to grade, courses to design, love to be made, shamrocks to transplant, friends to be called and be laughed with, cried with. It's just that I can't place the tip of my finger on this strange, yet all too familiar, iridescent puddle I'm staring at; I can only see the vibrant colors, the beauty of, well, gasoline across the surface if I tilt my head a certain way . . . Perhaps I've had a neck cramp. The colors which seem to have evaporated must still be there. Just my angle makes the whole puddle seem like mud. No not mud; again, that just sounds good--but certainly not mud. Just a bit, shhh, dull.

And please, don't believe for a moment that I'm not deeply bothered and saddened by the priveleged use of the word "dull"; not that I haven't struggled to become so.

Or Not? Conspiracy Theory #389

2007-07-02T18:53:00.001-04:00

Are we really just now discovering
that China has substandard products
being shipped to the good ole USA,
or could the media tsunami be linked
to China's economic growth threatening to topple
US power?

Also, where else can we buy our sh*t? It's not
like we make our own shoes or toys here on the mainland . . .

Same old east/west dichotomy: exploit then slander.

Pushing Forward

2007-06-15T09:28:00.000-04:00

I imagine summer time as a collection
of moments where I would sit still,
watch his small fingers
work on a water color of race cars in the desert,
look at the way she cringed at the palm-eyed beast
from _Pan's Labyrinth_,
and see him set under the giant shade tree
waving to me in the breeze.

I'm reading dave eggers' _what is the what_ and perhaps you should too. He is kicking and screaming for us to hear him.

A Bomb Threat

2007-06-12T16:40:00.000-04:00

The little head dangled from the keychain
attached to his back pack; his father had helped
him sew the princess' eyes shut.

"Do you know Jesus?" the principal had asked
with a sheriff standing in the corner.
"Keep your voodoo at home."

He stumbled back to geometry,
closed the Tolkein paperback he had been hiding,
and buried his head in the crook of his arm
where no one could see him cry.

Grave Etchings

2007-06-09T08:44:00.000-04:00

They chose "MOTHER" to start;
one side yellow, the other violet.
We knelt down and rubbed the oily pastels
onto the parchment paper.
The fine details did not emerge as I had hoped,
but the experience was well worth it.

We Need More Words

2007-06-08T08:48:00.000-04:00

You showed up;
finals week and all, I answered the door
and noticed you standing
with bruises wrapped snuggly around your calves.

Then you showed me the star burst on your hip:
blue and yellow rings. You laughed about a canoe.

I settled back in my chair and longed for the tree
outside my window, turning leaves upside down in the breeze.

For me, the yellow stains.

A Fawn Under the Scab Apple Tree

2007-06-07T20:36:00.000-04:00

Hope she finds her mother tonight;
if not, we'll be calling a ranger tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile, what has my tree been doing
to get scab?

The Kissing Disease

2007-06-04T12:03:00.000-04:00

My blood tests are back and
it has been determined that I am indeed a slug.
A sloth.
Yet with good reason: mono.

What student passed this infectious
disease to me? And how?

Do I suddenly feel guilty for not taking their
mono seriously enough? Sortof.
I can barely get off the sofa.
Barely grade finals.

So this is what those students were trying to communicate to me?

Please, share your mono story with me.

Um . . . it's that easy to post a link now? Whoops.

2007-05-26T09:10:00.000-04:00

Why I am so Team Henry:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNbmPCL1RCc

good music too

WS201 Presentations

2007-05-26T07:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday a student did a fabulous presentation
on Lesie Hall, counter culture via the web, and Glam Fashion:

http://www.atomfilms.com/film/leslie_gem_sweater.jsp

It may work better on YouTube, but I can't get this out of my head.
BTW, she has a BA (if not MA) from Boston University in Fine Arts.

DOWN with the US Postal Service!

2007-05-25T16:32:00.000-04:00

I tried to support them--but nooo!
I don't pay by web--but that will change!

University: SQ, where is student 00001234's lesson?
Me: I mailed it 05/05.

4 days later
Dr. K's Office: Uh . . . when are you going to pay your co-payment?
Me: I mailed 05/05.

Tim Hortons: That will be 2.25 for your morning coffee.
Me: Ok, here's my VISA.
Tim Hortons: It's denied. Would you like me to try again and make a spectacle oy you?
Me: Yes, please do.
Tim Hortons: Still not taking it--why don't you go the next 8 hours w/o anything to eat or drink because you are out of town with only this lame VISA. Have a nice day.
Me: WTF??

For the past 18 monthes I have meticulously paid every single damnable bill on time . . .

9 hours later on an empty gut
Partner: Yeah, I dropped those in the mail.
Me: Magazine bills, phone bill, dental bill, 4, count them 4 credit cards! Do you know what the fees will be?! And then the fees to cancel the checks?
Partner: Yeah, I dropped those in the mail.

PostMaster (summarized): See, what can happen is someone will put a ring or keychain in an envelope and mess up the machine sorter. Everything is machine-ran. 20-30 pieces coming after that can get caught in the jam. Mutilated. Anyway, we can trace it. But it'll take about 6 weeks. Because of Hurricane Katrina (emphasis mine). Yeah, all the torn mail goes to Atlanta,GA. They have the only processing center in the nation authorized to open mail that is torn and to try to figure out where it needs to go.

2007-05-19T08:36:00.000-04:00

I know I'm always behind in every single aspect of culture and technology, but I am so TEAM HENRY.

Some Student Asks to Practice the Piano in the Music Room Where I Would Soon Teach

2007-05-14T21:59:00.000-04:00

I at the dry erase, he at the grand.
I didn't know the chords, but the melody was deep.

Not 18 inches away, he struck the keys
and my lungs felt hollow, my bones solid enough.

I smeared the outline, the rubric, the expectations
onto the board;
he soon dribbled into a playful tune. Fleeting scales.

The brief intersection had passed
and he left.

Week Seven Sun

2007-05-09T08:38:00.000-04:00

Get your *ss over to i-tunes
and download the freebe "We All Want the Same Thing"
by Kevin Michael.

Pose. Your nasty self, flipping hair in the kitchen,
shake'n it down the hall--

Then write your local Senator.

Virtual Fridays: Assignments from the Branch

2007-04-21T07:15:00.000-04:00

04/20 Assignment:

For this assignment, due no later than Friday at 3:00pm, in 300 words consider a moment in your past that you might describe as a "Killing Rage." What were the circumstances? What was the outcome? Can anger ever be the source of change--a change for "the better"? If you have never felt such rage, reflect on why you haven't.
After you have posted, respond to at least 2 other posts in 5-7 sentences.

The First Response:
Have you ever been so mad with someone that you just wanted to hurt them so badly? I have! I found out that my son's father was cheating on me with this girl who had already messed with one of my boyfriends from a few years before. What a whore! Apparently she couldn't seem to find her own boyfriend, she had to keep stealing mine and other peoples also. When I first found out that he was cheating on me, I denied the fact that he was. But when everyone around town was telling me where he and this girl was at, I finally decided to go check out for myself. It was true! I flipped out on her and him in a bar, but what is an underage girl doing in a bar anyway! So that made me even more mad at him because I was at that time, home with his sick kid. I knew I could not do much to her because of her being underage, so when ever I would visit him and find her things lying around, I would burn them, break anything that could be broken, and pour whatever chemical on her clothes that I could find in the house. One time I went down to his house late at night and her car was there and the window was down, I was smoking a cigarette and through it in her car. I even poured what ever I could find on her seats. Whenever I would happen to see them outside,say at one of his friends house, I would jump out of my car and try to kick her ass, but he would stop me and that would inferiate me even more. My sister would tell me that I was insane. He was to be my boyfriend and a father to our son. Not running around with some fluzzy! To this day if I would ever see this girl, I think I would still give her a piece of my mind.

Another Response:
When I think of a time that I was in an uncontrolable state of rage, I was 25 years old and was living here in [smalltownsville USA]. I was staying in these tiny appartments on 2nd Street with a couple of so called friends. This place was a freaking mad house, with the people that lived next door and their company and the parties that were thrown on a daily basis just made it pure crazyness. One night, my friends pregnent girlfriend, who's name was on the lease for the appartment I was staying at, got into a fist fight with the tennent next door, Mike, who was a friend of mine and twice her size. I'm not really sure what the fight was really over, but she demanded that we have nothing to do with this guy and not to allow this guy in her appartment anymore. Now you must understand that this girl thought that she was the boss and had to be in control of everything, to make it easier for you, SHE WAS A BITCH. One day, around ten o'clock at night, we were all sitting in our living room watching T.V. with our front open because it was really nice outside, and M walked by and I said hey to him. This one little friendly guesture on my part sent this bitch into an outrage. She started cussing and yelling at me, "I told you I don't want him around my appartment and you talking to him when I'm here," and so on and so forth. Well, by this time I had listened to this stupid bitch's stuff long enough and basically told her where she could go and how she could get there. Long story short, she told me to get out of the appartment and not to come back, so I grabbed some clothes of mine and went next door to M's appartment to stay with him for the night to let things cool off and gather my thoughts on what I was going to do. The next day I had decided that I was going to gather all my things from her appartment and move into an appartment of my own just down the street. I went to open the door and it was locked, in the confusion and rage the night before, I had forgoten my key to the appartment, which was inside with her. I knocked on the door and no one answered, I knew that her and her boyfriend and her brother were in there because their cars were parked outside. I knocked again, this time, with out opening the door I heard her sorry ass brother say "she said not to let you in to get anything because you owe her this month's rent and until you give her that, your not getting a damn thing!" I was really pissed off now, this bitch not only kicked me out of my legal place of residence, but is now holding my stuff for ransom. I called the police department on the matter and they came down to try to clear up the situation, but do to the fact that my name was not on the lease and her name was, there was nothing that they could do. This sent me over the edge, everything that I owned, my clothes, my grandmothers bed that was given to me, my PlayStation and games, my wallet with my I.D. and bank cards, everything, was inside that appartment. I started thinking really crazy thoughts, like kicking in the door and beating the hell out of all of them and the one that really scared me and most deffinantly would put me in jail for the rest of my life, was that if they were going to lock me out of there, then I'll just burn the mother down with all their sorry asses locked in. I really came close to doing that one, but when I was on my way up to the gas station with a 5 gallon gas can to douse the place with, I had what you could call a religious experence. A friend of my mom and dads, who they go to church with and I was working for at the time, pulled up in his truck and said "I was praying for you today and God told me that I needed to come down here to find you right away because you were about to do something that you would regret for the rest of your life!" You need to know that no one knew what I was about to do except for me and God, and I would have done it if it wasn't for this man listening to what God had told him to do. I broke down in his truck and told him everything that had transpired and what I was about to do. That day changed the rest of my life for the better because I was in some serious need of help to get off drugs and to change the direction of my life as I knew it. Long story short, he took me to a christian place called the R, that was set up for guys like me who needed help with the things that I was dealing with. The place really changed my life and I am truely gratefull for it because insted of sitting here writting this down for you to read while attending college, I would be sitting in a 6 by 6 cell wishing things had turned out differently. Now I never did get any of my things from that appartment, but I did get a second chance on making things in my life different so I saw it as a fair trade.

The Kicker Response:
The only time i get in a rage is when i have to do these stupid things on [Virtual Fridays]! I thought i singed up for a Writting class, Writing and Rhetoric 1 English 101. I didn't know that i was going to be reading all of this stuff. I thought that i was just going to wright. I feel like we are just given a hole lot of useless work to do because someone higher says we have to do something on friday. In all of my other english classes that were supoose to meet on friday, we used that as a meet with the professor if you need to day. It was a time when you could go and ask them questions about how your paper was going. Not as a day when you had to rush around and wright a 5 page paper in 3 hours. I don't have three hours to do it all. I have to go to work at 2:00. And i had to rush up to Campus to wright this non sense. I know that i should have scheduald around this time, but i couldn't i needed the money to pay for this class. A class i wish i would have never taken.
I also hate it when i register for a class with a sertain profesor, and a get someone who is not who i wanted in the 1st place (no ofense). I think that the Uniuversity should take it upon its self to tell all the students that their profeser has been changed. Not told at the last second, when you walk in the door and see someone you didn't register for.
I don't think there will be a change for the better, unless someone says something.

My Response to the Kicker:
[Direct address to the student], shall I rage back at how non-academically some students approach their work at the University? At how inappropriately and unprofessionally they often address their concerns? Or at how they often don't bother to even come to class or do their assignments (assignments they may not understand the value of, yet do not ask for explanation) but still expect high marks?
Or should I rage at students who believe my "stupid" assignments (assignments that are clearly "writing" assignments) on Blackboard (designed for the convenience of my students) are "nonsense," yet lack the ability to understand the simple purpose and audience of a 300 word post (and to check it for simple grammatical errors before posting)?
I suppose not. Instead, perhaps I should just calmly remind all students that no one has forced them to take such a class and that dropping the class is still quite possible.

The assignment was designed to prepare students for bell hooks' "Killing Rage" through a pre-writing exercise in which they could reflect upon their own moments of rage and injustice; then we will analyze the essay for its rhetorically effectiveness in terms of addressing audience and use of tone. Sigh. This hurt my feelings. I just want to see my students succeed.

Zombies

2007-04-18T08:37:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or is the word
"zombies" rather romantic?

goose chills and giggles

10 bucks at the Grindhouse

only, the bird calls sound too human
around here

Ghosts or Old Friends?

2007-04-15T10:51:00.000-04:00

Paula, Lillee, and now Ehum?
Um, someone ought to offer a link, if not an explanation . . . !

Meanwhile,
let me tell you about my big yellow maxi--
as if showing it to the class yesterday
wasn't enough.

It's that time in the quarter where we talk
about menstruation as taboo, as contamination, as waste, etc.

This Saturday class is all about denial, luv 'em.
"Periods aren't taboo! Look at all the tampon
commercials thrown in our faces!"

"Would any of you share you were on your period
now [in mixed company]?"

[Several hands go up--women say the same thing]:
"I would if I was--"

Conveniently, I reach into carry all and pull out
a nice bright yellow maxi.

The room collapses in silence.

[What on earth do they think I will do with it??]

"Did anyone see me duck out of here a few minutes ago
when I set you to work in small groups? No?
Did anyone see me reach into my bag, [I demonstrate]
fold the maxi into four quarters, slide in into my hip pocket?
Now why would I do that??"

One young woman: "Well, guys are grossed out about it--"

And the real conversation begins.

Whoot Ding!

2007-04-13T20:18:00.000-04:00

I remembered how to sign on!
Unlock my canvas
and shut the door--

let's start with bread mold
and the sinus cavity . . .
my partner may lose his face
because I wanted to feed the geese--
three months ago . . .

. . . withhold the . . . urge . . .
. . . don't . . . even . . . type those lyrics . . .

gasp--pant pant--I think you are safe.

but I've got a happy urge I'm riding. Writing.

Ms. Magazine is still active? Didn't know that
and for the longest time, thought I didn't have the time to check--
not until I wikied sati, foot binding, and FGM--yep,
a link was provided.

Note to Blogsphere: Something strange has been happening to my brain in the past couple of weeks--weird instances when I skip words or combine ideas; my dreams have been overtly vivid and highly plot regulated; I forget . . . things. Should I be worried? Anyone else experience brain-flesh rot, please let me know asap.

Best news ever. I'm ready to read again. So, I can't wait for this summer. x2.

Red blooms fish through
colored fumes in that hazy old puddle by the barn.
A hard knot finds its way
between my teeth
as I peer through the bushes
watching the blue buckle
flick rocks ribboning the surface.
I'm not her.
I never swam there.
It's not a seed. I cough it up
look in the grass and bend my knees:
a worm has buried itself, wrapped
around the center, holding on for life.

WS100--Day Two

2007-03-31T09:08:00.000-04:00

My Question: Do we have any Queen Bees in here?

Speaker #1--Mid Section: I don't know if this is being a queen bee, but I have a friend who is trying to get into med school and he made the comment that if he were a black woman, he'd be taken like that [snaps fingers]. That really made me mad because I'm a woman--I would never use that to my advantage [she means that she wants to be taken seriously via her own, personal merits].

Speaker #2--From Back: I totally agree with what she's saying. I mean, I made it--why whine about [your race/gender]?

Speaker #3--In Front: What's a few extra points on your ap? Yes, I'll use it [identify as a black male]--I'm trying to get into law school--I will do whatever it takes to be competitive. To make it happen.

Speaker #2: But that's not fair--

Class Stirs.

Speaker #1: No, because those same people who pull that card will do the same [?] if they don't get the job--

Speaker #3: [Laughs] Yeah--I probably would. [Class is rumbling] Listen, by 2011 blacks won't be the minority anyway--it'll be the Mexicans.

Speaker #2: Yeah, I know. I am Mexican--half Mexican and half [?]--and I still wouldn't use that to my advantage . . .

Spring Quarter Begins

2007-03-27T06:49:00.000-04:00

Is it terribly wrong
to be thinking about
Purple Dragon Margaritas
at 6:38am on Tuesday morning?

300: Letgo My Igor

2007-03-17T10:45:00.000-04:00

Warning: Spoilers

Watched 300 last night.
It's all about the red.
Beautiful contrast.

Implicitly, the film seems
to be all about the ever-ongoing
abortion debate.

Don't you think?

[Not to tease--but just to get that
thought down for later.]

The Eyes of March Maddness

2007-03-15T08:45:00.000-04:00

Ahh. To start the morning
with a fresh cup of Java
and a blinking curser. And not
to worry about fragments.

Instead, wallow and bask
in a thick, heavy font.

This is the life,
is it not?

My partner and I
are seemingly at war. Example:
we agreed to read a novel together
this Spring Break. He chose Orwell's 1984.
I'm dying.
Worse than graduate school.
See, we've been chosing flicks and books
on the far side of each other's spectrum
as revenge for the latest bit of entertainment
we've put each other through.
Vicious cycle.
Still not with me?
Example: Our last weekend together, I rented
The Science of Sleep (or was it Dreams?), Brazil,
and scrambled to see Pan's Labyrinth
(which wasn't what he expected
and was beyond what I had hoped).
He was tortured.
Now it's my turn.
Fine; next weekend? It's The Break Up, for sure.

New/Old/Barrowed/Blue

2007-03-14T20:24:00.000-04:00

New: We finally replaced our grill (remember it was stolen last spring and we vowed not to replace it until we moved from the ghetto). This grill has two surfaces and, whoa, a cover. Did not come with 35cm reinforced steel chain.

Old: I'm worried sick over 4 students who did not complete their final work for ENG150 (basic literacy). Just turn in your d*mn work! You'll get like a "C," people--come on! I sent out group emails pleading for them to contact me at home--ridiculous, no?

Barrowed: Borak--I'm so ashamed. I knew it was risky, but I had no idea that it would be this offensive AND not funny. No laughs. At least I can tell my students that I have seen it and hated it.

Blue: The color my daughter's eyes would be.

And Pete Rose? Not that I know anything, anything about football, but so what? He bet on his own team every night--how could that fix the game? Sports fanatics.