Pina Coladas

Yeah, so I've had the privilege of teaching some lowerlevel English and Women's Studies classes at a somewhat large university, and I must say that I will never again ask for an introductory piece of writing on the first day of classes . . . out of the 100 students I have this quarter, in three different sections of study, at least half wrote a description of themselves that could work very well in an online dating column:

"Hi, My name is Megan Sunshine. I am a Sophomore here at U. and I am hoping to study Journalism in the near future. Currently, I enjoy small kittens and horse back rides along the surf . . ."

Don't get me wrong, the guys responses aren't much better--stuffed w/stereotypical liners like: "I may be an engineer, going in for the 'hard' sciences, but I also enjoy writing. Because, as you see, science takes a certain amount of creativity, and I've got the right stuff. I also work on computers in my spare time."

Must I get to know my students?
What are some "secret" pedagogical strategies for circumventing students in general?