My Life as a Failure

Good thing those twins are just imaginary, because on Wednesday I would have forgotten to go to Twin A's Kindergarten Breakfast Club in honor of his "Champ Behavior." Yeah, after I had went to Twin B's last month . . . But he would have been great; smiling; he'd have said: "Yeah, I wasn't there either!"

Then this morning, just 2 days afterward, I probably would have forgotten to put a juice box in his lunch; when he asked about it, I probably would have rushed him out of the car saying something like, "Well, you'll have to drink water today."

Not ready for children yet . . .


Driving in the car I remember going out to the barn after to school to see Pepper and Piper, two pigeons my dad had saved from an abandoned nest in a chilly spring. That afternoon they weren't there.

Dad sat at the kitchen table, staring out a window, smoking. "Where's Pepper and Piper?" I asked.

"There dead, [my name]. You didn't feed them."

Jumpcut to me laying on a pink homemade afgan, postrate on my bed, sobbing. Alone.