The Big Guy in the Back: "But Don't Girls Want to be Sexy?"

He emails later that day:

>I just kept thinking about the discussion about women and being sexy debate
> we had this morning, when I said its not a bad thing to be sexy, I didn't
> necessarily mean sexy as in a sexual way, for me I don't know about other
> people but when I think about sexy I think not only good looks, but being a
> confident woman can make her sexy to me, or a women who can carry herself
> no matter what she looks like that is sexy to me, a women who is smart is
> sexy to me. So not just looks can justify sexy but that is just my opinion.
> A women whom is not the best looking but can speak her mind and have
> confidence can be sexy.
> I just didn't want you to think that sexy (to me at least was all about
> looks), if you have time I would like to know what you think.

Think he was feeling guilty?

My reply:

Hi J,
Thanks for getting back with me--this is definately a discussion we should continue at some point. I'm glad you spoke up and voiced your thoughts. Confidence may be part of it, but what builds confidence? Don't women need something to be confident about? I do believe that most women, at some point desire to be "sexy." And you are right on track by looking at how we define that word. Now that I'm thinking more about it, I think "sexy" also implies that women want to be desired by men. But why? Probably b/c there is power and status in that. If, now if, men do hold most of the power (by power I mostly mean control over resources), what is the easiest way for women to access that power and status? Lots to think about.
More often than not, I think lots and lots of women would _love_ to roll out of bed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, run a brush through their hair, and get on with their lives. Primping is no fun--it's actually lots of work. So, really, why do women want to look sexy? Who does it benefit? Who does it harm?

I can go on and on--but I'll stop here. Thanks for dropping the email J & keep thinking.
SQ