Listserv v Blog

I think my most favorite listserv is dead.
I'm incredibly sad.

The LS is/was a ring of friends from grad school
who tried to keep in contact via email.
I thought it was handy and appropriate,
considering our writing skills . . .
and we all now know how I feel about, ehem, phones.
Not that eveyone feels the same . . .

Whenever someone loses contact with me,
I always have the same questions:
From, What did I do wrong? to,
What's crawled up her butt?

Generally speaking, this time,
with this ring of friends,
I think my "secretiveness" (ie. what I've
come to accept as my fractured life)
has alienated me
from those who want a more confident friendship.
Perhaps.
If so, I am truly sorry.
Or.
Maybe everyone's just busy.

One friend spoke to me about how she feels
that she is constantly judged by whom she hangs with;
ironically,
or not,
we haven't seen much of eachother since.

Did I say too much?

Another friend emailed me specifically--
those side conversations can be both glorious
and notorious--
because she thought that her cheery emails to me
were bothersome, considering my foul mood as of late.
Ag! to the heart.
Miscommunication is definately a draw back to email.
I was so relieved to hear from her.

Why am I blogging this?
I'm not sure. Considering that they each have access to this URL,
I may be manipulative.
I've often suspected as much.
Or,
just incredibly sad, honest, and a tad lonely.
A turtle can never come completely out
of its shell.

Maybe this post is a howl for help:
Please save our ListServ!