SquirrleyMojo:

Bet You Thought I'd Never Write Here

Friday, July 22, 2005

Western Medicine or Crack?? Choices, choices . . .

I called my doctor by her first name
when she finally (over an hour wait)
entered the exam room.

She quickly, yet indriectly, corrected me
by introducing herself as "Dr. ___"--
why'd I do that??

In a flutter, I spilled my guts.
But when the moment came,
I really didn't have much to spill . . .

Within 5 minutes, she had perscribed Lexapro.
She looked in my ears
[no infection to explain the dizziness/vertigo, oops],
listended to my heart/lungs,
felt my tummy, and was finished. On to the next patient.
I have an order for blood work,
and if the Lexapro doesn't do its magic
with the physical manifestations of my anxiety,
well then,
it's off for an MRI of my brain.

All of my squirrelymojo secrects will be divulged.
Which is what I think They are after.

But I'm bothered:
why do physicians (she was the third)
spend 5 minutes looking at me
and "see it all over me"? It being anxiety and/or depression.
I'm disappointed and, gulp, my feelings are hurt
that she didn't want to talk to me.

I know that's stupid for a gazillion reasons,
but still.

I have a headache and I need a nap.
She did actually say she wanted to get me started on the Lexapro
because she didn't know where to begin, or how to sort out my symptoms.

And she's the professional.

8 Comments:

At 11:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"well, we can't figure it out, but here's a prescription" - western medicine strikes again!

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger SquirrleyMojo said...

No doubt!


But at this point--what can I do? I guess it's better to try a legal perscription under a doctor's care than, say, crack . . .

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger SquirrleyMojo said...

I think I'll change the title of this post . . .

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger Tim P. said...

Have you ever seen the movie Wit?

It discusses the ethics of precisely the situation you found yourself in, and is one the best films I have ever seen. Deliciously poignant. (plus, the main character is an English professor renowned for her expertise in 17 C. British Metaphysical poetry, i.e., John Donne)

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger Tim P. said...

I hesitate to offer any suggestions, but anxiety is something I can really relate to. Perhaps rather than suggesting that you do anything, I could share how I continue to live defiantly in the face of the unknown.

If you're interested, perhaps we could even start a forum on the topic. I don't know any clairvoyants, but I do know a lot of broken people with pressing issues in their lives. Of course, sometimes women just want to be heard. Let me know what you think.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger Lillee said...

I understand this post on so many levels. I'm with Tim, sometimes, we just want someone to listen.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger swamp4me said...

Sounds like "Doc" is a tad insecure if she can't handle be addressed by her first name. Did she call you by your first name? If so, I hope you corrected her. :)

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger SquirrleyMojo said...

Tim, I haven't seen the film, but I do adore Emma Thompson. Plus, I am fascinated (and often appalled) at how English professors are portrayed on film. I've been thinking a paper is in order.

I will definately check with my university and see if they have this film on shelf.

The idea of a forum is a nice one at that. Only for me, sharing might prove difficult--there are many aspects of me that are not on this blog but pertinate to my anxiety.

This doctor as well as my own peers have all suggested that our type of personalities [writers/teachers/poets/professionals/ect.] are somehow correlated with anxiety . . . We become who we are b/c of the anxiety . . . or vice-versa? I wouldn't go as far as to say anxiety "motivates" us---a forum would be good!

 

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