News From My Local Paper

Comics I Will Read (and in specific order):

Zits (Why? I dunno. Am I ashamed? Kindof.)
Fox Trot (I know--more kids!)
Dilbert (Getting pretty lame though.)

Comics I WIll Read If Delayed In the Bathroom:

Classic Peanuts (I really hate this comic actually.)
Tina's Groove (Has NEVER made me laugh or think, "yeah.")
Family Circus (Can't help it--spatially my eye is drawn to it.)
Dennis the Menace (Can I use the word Hate 2x w/o sounding like a bad person?)


Comics That Make Me Scream in Frustration, or Yawn in Boredom,
Yet I Must Read Them Anyway:

Hagar the Horrible (Why does this comic exist? Who is the fan base? Evolve d*mnit.)
Crankshaft (The grumpy old man's face IS funny looking. I'm so ageist.)
Funky Winkerbean (WTF?)
Beetle Bailey (will never die. Die!)
Garfield (Garfield! How tricksy! Few words in little bubbles always coax me in.
But I hates it, I hates it my precious.)
For Better or For Worse (Uh, worse.)
Blondie (How unoriginal can you be and still get paid?)
and last but not least . . . . .

Get Fuzzy! (How I loath this comic! 1. I almost never, never understand it. 2. I hate cats. Well, I like the actual animals, but I hate the way our culture has appropriated their furry little bodies to represent everything I h*te that is human. 3. My partner is way too smug when reading this comic & acts all 'ahead of the game.' 4. Fuzzy cults in my area are responsible for traffic jams, ozone depletion, cold toilet seats, and snot. Also a host of other ills I couldn't possibly name at this time. It's just wrong. Wrong I tell you. And sinister. I will get to the bottom of this.