Two Lumps at a Metropolis

How much weight can a person gain
with two extra teaspoons of raw sugar
added to each cup of coffee?

Just wondering.

I ran out of suger substitute earlier this week &
like most nutritional choices in my life,
I could either consume empty calories or do without,
eat/drink what's available or go to the grocery.

I hate grocery shopping with a passion of a thousand suns.

Because I don't go to the grocery very often,
I'm always floored by the cost of a gallon of milk.
"Outrageous!" you might hear someone exclaim.
I further dislike the grocier in these parts because
the insides of the buildings are always so cold. Fridged.
Especially in the summer months.
In the summer, I like to wear as little as possible, so
when I am caught suddenly in a grocery store unaware,
I freeze goose flesh and feel ill to my stomach.

The only fun I could ever imagine at a grocery
would be if I had little children.
Then I could teach them the names of all the whacky
new, genetically modified fruits and vegtables
in the garden section, which, by the way,
is the only tolerable section.
In fact, I can imagine picking up a new veggie
and taking it home to cook . . .
But it would probably sit in the fridge until it rotted,
dripping dark liquid, on the fridge shelf,
and across the floor to the trash,
when I finally took it out.

The most heinous section of the grocery, of course,
is the meat section with all of its dripping juices,
amid the threat of eboli (or whatever).
That's also where they keep the lobsters.
Of course lobsters are yummy, but I can't bare to look at them
and acknowledge that they are boiled alive.

Why can't creatures in captivity self destruct?