Inner Monologue: May be Incomprehensible, Move Along to Next Blog

I so want to tell you where I am going today.
This squirrley identity is becoming harder and harder
to maintain.

I wonder/think/hope this new difficulty is because
my private and public lives are beginning to gravitate
closer to eachother. If so, "yea."

If I told you were I was going today,
even though it is a bit of a drive,
if I gave you the link to see the magnificiant pics,
you would so know where I was located.

Then you'd want to stop in for coffee, no doubt.

And it's not that I wouldn't love to have you stop in,
but one look around my domestic sphere
and you would know all my secrets, most of my heart.

And then if you would reject me,
based on this new insight,
I would be crushed. But smile anyway.

But this isn't the truth . . . is it?
no, I think there is also a "darker" reason . . .
a reason I will either have to sort out in my hand written journal
or come back to later in life
b/c I have no clue what to do with this information . . .

Ok, maybe you can benefit from this brutal honesty:
what if I just want to trump everyone?
what if I want to put on this facade that I have everything together,
that I have a wonderful life,
that I am on top of the world?
and then--
what if I had you to coffee,
and you saw my domestic sphere,
a sphere which reflects uncontrollable aspects of my life,
well then,
I may not be trumping anyone at all.

Isn't that an awfully dark thought? confession?
But what could I possibly do with such information?
Sigh. I've never learned to accept my place in life.

Grrr. If a student ever wrote "life" as many times
as I have on this post, I'd X them all out--
terrible writing.

But I wish I could say where I was going today
and send you the pictures.