Curious Sequence of Clues

One secret is out:

I am reading Lemony Snicket's unauthorized autobiography.

He and I share a great deal of autoauthorized-type unbiography,
if you will.

We seemed to have originated from the same species.

Not that I've ever claimed witness to the Mothman.

Yet, I also don't have the expertise to type
this in Ariel or Lythograph.

But once I did swim in scummy water
up to my neck
under a crumbling stone archway.
Just to water greenbeans.

For no reason at all.

If I mastered the art of calligraphy,
I'd rubber it to the core.

My SSN# is 222-24-5577, shh,
just not in that order.