Virtual Love

So I feel loved, but not.

There's a love-buffer-wall built up around my body.
I'm touched, physically, but not really.

Yeah, I'm SAD too, among other twisted, non-diagnosed
suspicions (raise eyebrow)
as well, but I feel all weirded-out too. Restless.

Came home to lots of email from old friends
saying especially nice things to eachother, to me;
my students are sucking up well,
asking what classes I will be teaching next quarter
b/c they love me so;
my new blogger buddies are charming, witty and wonderfully low-maintenance
(is that too terrible?) . . .
it must be week 8 of the quarter & I'm trapped
in some undecipherable emotive cycle--to unlock the cycles of our lives!

I need an adventure. An adventure.
I need resolution.
What to do with this life?

Sex isn't enough. Location isn't enough.

I feel so voracious. Utterly starving--
a great furry carnivore with gaping mouth and large teeth--
protruding tongue--
I can walk down a hall and feel like a giant--
stride over rolling hills or fields,
stair step the nearby buildings.
Bring down corrupt governments
and lift children of color up to pluck stars
showing them to weave the hot liquid into the hair of old mothers.
Tuck my chin to my chest, roll down the steps,
and unfold into cold spring showers.

A crane shot pulls away from my body,
spiraling up,
me, reduced once again to a child laying in grass--
not knowing whose perspective sees me
pinned to the sheet
with an alcohol swab near by.