I Will Be the First to Admit

My degree affords me little knowledge about
the basic 21st century survival skills
that I need to know in this part of the world;
for example:

*** I have either lost or misplaced one of my credit cards.
I'm not sure how to report it, seeing that I don't have any account
information written down or last month's statement even.

@@@ How do elementary caffeteria cooks mess up the menu? The food
is designed to be yummy; why must it be either undercooked
or burnt? Why is there no pride in being a chef of that caliber?

^^^ How can I move my PSL line from here to there? How do I splice
these wires effectively? How can I hack into my sister's computer
and find out what her credit card information is--w/o her finding
me out?

### I desperately want my identity stolen. Why is it that no one
wants to be me?

%%% How can I remember that Monday's are trash pick up? [Picture:
fisting my own forhead, 'Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.'] More importantly,
how do I get rid of this old microwave I mentioned back in January? (If
you are concerned, it is back in my basement--out of city sight and
stuck in my mind.)

&&& How can I paint my bathroom a nice, claming blue w/o making it
look like a rabid child attacked it with a blue crayon? With fangs.
[For instance, I know that last bit is a fragment AND a dangling modifier
(quirky fun dangling modifier), but that knowledge does not make me
see blue when I pee.]


and the big one is . . .

$$$ How do I make enough money
to buy healthy groceries??? AND clothing, ect.?
plus, I must travel. Soon. Or die.