SquirrleyMojo:

Bet You Thought I'd Never Write Here

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Mojo Majik: Not Just an Ordinary Video Store

[x] I have a funky feeling my car will break down today along side of the freeway. The car is making a loud noise and seems to strain when changing gears. Transmission no doubt. So what do I plan to do about it? Fill it up at the BP and get a car wash, of course. I want to look good when I break down. I'll throw some sneakers in the trunk. Maybe a box of Cheezits and a water bottle. Who can pay for a check-up this close to vacation? Especially if it *is* the transmission? I don't want that hanging over my head while I'm sunning on the beach . . . I'd rather cope with the situation as it smacks me in the face.


[x] On another note, if I survive this week without making a complete mockery of Higher Education, I plan to finally do some serious job searching this summer. Yes. Perhaps. Seriously, I should. I'm considering the . . . Travel Industry. Sadly enough, the freelance copyediting job I sent for this weekend turned into a wash. I simply have no training in that area. Honestly, I don't think I will ever be able to truly focus on anytype of career without some meds, either. Bothersome.


[x] I had a horrible bike accident this weekend. Yeah. I was teaching some little kid how to ride his bike by leaning over him, holding on to his handlebars, and pushing as fast as I could run. We made some good speed. Until the kid accidently slipped on the pedals and put the brakes on suddenly. My first thought? His soft body would provide a nice cushion between me and the asphalt. My second thought? Aiiigaaaaaaaarf--don't land on and crush the kid! I twisted my hip, fell on the bike, and punctured my leg. Huge contusion. People were staring. The kid scuffed his palms and one knee. Meanwhile, I almost DIED.


[x] Have you been listening to "This I Believe" on NPR? My instincts want to mock it, but I think it may ultimately be a thoughtful way to provoke a wee bit of unity in [deep gravel voice] "a divided nation." What do I believe? Is it similiar at all to my neighbor?


[x] I'm off to the office today--must be there by noon (not likely at this rate). The last week of classes is simply so drawn out! I don't believe that anyone wants to be there. We are all finished. I'd rather compose my reading list for the summer--any suggestions?

Monday, May 30, 2005

In Memoriam

I'm a little queasy this weekend.
Bit weak in the knees.

While grading papers,
I came across a young man's essay
on how film has affected his world view--
he's in ROTC at the University:

"I watch [_Top Gun_] whenever I have more than
I believe I can handle, because in reality there is someone out there
who is worse off than me [. . .] I watch [_Black Hawk Down_]
because I get to see what I might some day do. Those soldiers die
fighting for eachother and that's all that matters . . ."


In "reality"?

Whenever I see this student, this kid in a man's body,
I just feel a mixture of deep sadness and helpless anger:
I see a fine looking, healthy "dead man walking."
Another youth who has bought into the military ideology
of glory without ever questioning it.
How many days left does this charming young man have
before encountering a suicide bomber
in a strange land?

Then I feel even more saddened and ashamed,
because I never want, or mean to take away
from what these men and women are clearly dying for,
all the ideals they do believe in . . .

"Supporting the troops," yet being opposed to war and violence
is a horrible balance to try to find and keep.
Recognizing that there are youths falling into larger systems of
rampant, unquestioned ideologies is just the first step . . .
too bad most people missed Michael Moore's better thesis
in his _9/11_:
the young people who are signing up and going over to fight
are those lower income youths who have little to no other
choices or futures . . .

A twenty year old's face and funeral headlines this area's papers:
he died when he threw his body as a shield
over a fellow , female, soldier.
Looking at the funeral, you could see the poverty of his family.
What films did he grow up watching?
Yet, he was incredibly brave and selfless both at the same time . . .

Whenever I try to deconstruct the ideologies
our media, government, and society throw
out before us,
I do find the some of the same values
these soldiers fight for;
honor, friendship, loyalty, ect.
But based on what?
Derived from/for what purpose?

Who ultimately benefits from the ideologies of _Black Hawk Down_?
Or _Top Gun_?
I fear that Josh won't.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Just Quickly--

why does going psychotic take so long?
I mean, geez,
I never knew it was such a long, drawn out process . . .

Listserv v Blog

I think my most favorite listserv is dead.
I'm incredibly sad.

The LS is/was a ring of friends from grad school
who tried to keep in contact via email.
I thought it was handy and appropriate,
considering our writing skills . . .
and we all now know how I feel about, ehem, phones.
Not that eveyone feels the same . . .

Whenever someone loses contact with me,
I always have the same questions:
From, What did I do wrong? to,
What's crawled up her butt?

Generally speaking, this time,
with this ring of friends,
I think my "secretiveness" (ie. what I've
come to accept as my fractured life)
has alienated me
from those who want a more confident friendship.
Perhaps.
If so, I am truly sorry.
Or.
Maybe everyone's just busy.

One friend spoke to me about how she feels
that she is constantly judged by whom she hangs with;
ironically,
or not,
we haven't seen much of eachother since.

Did I say too much?

Another friend emailed me specifically--
those side conversations can be both glorious
and notorious--
because she thought that her cheery emails to me
were bothersome, considering my foul mood as of late.
Ag! to the heart.
Miscommunication is definately a draw back to email.
I was so relieved to hear from her.

Why am I blogging this?
I'm not sure. Considering that they each have access to this URL,
I may be manipulative.
I've often suspected as much.
Or,
just incredibly sad, honest, and a tad lonely.
A turtle can never come completely out
of its shell.

Maybe this post is a howl for help:
Please save our ListServ!

Friday, May 27, 2005

THAT Wasn't in the Brochure

Uh, Cross Burning
wasn't in the North Carolina brochure
I looked at.

Two weeks and counting.

Meanwhile, my own town is having a Festival:

Yeast of the Festering Wound.

It's a pithy alliteration[?] of the real Fest's name
my partner came up with . . .

Thursday, May 26, 2005

What We Need

Secret Buddy Blogger Rings.

That way, when we come face to face,
say, over an interview,
I can casually flash my

Secret Buddy Blogger Ring,

and then we will know eachother.

"Ah, a fellow Secret Buddy Blogger!"

We could give eachother discounts
and advantages from all walks of life . . .

What should the ring look like?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Please Distract Me

I'm grading my brains out--

when I'd love to be jumping
in a moonwalker,
you know,
one of those hotair-filled play sets
found at carnivals and street fairs . . .

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Thank You Anchored Nomad for a Nice Big Belly Laugh

The Anchored Nomad has a terrific post;
here's a snipet:

I hoped I was only imagining things when she turned to a fellow French exchange student whose family had still note arrived and loudly whispered, "Oh great, I'm living with a bunch of fat asses for the year."

We so desperately wanted to like her that we reframed every word that came out of her mouth into something that we'd imagined a cute little beret wearing French girl might say.

"You expect me to eat this trash? This fucking shit is not fit for the trough in a pig pen. My country has the most refined cuisine in all the world--not that you ignorant morons would ever care to study anything more than the TV Guide." she'd say upon sitting down to a family dinner.

My dad laughed a hearty-dad laugh, "This flipping stuff as you call it, Juliette, is a foot-long, all-beef hotdog. And I suggest you not add any ketchup before you take your first bite, because I think you'll find that the melted Velveeta cheese that mom put on it is all you'll need as a perfect condiment. We know you French people love your cheese."


How perfect! Kudos to you Anchored!
If you'd like more:

http://anchorednomad.blogspot.com/2005/05/french.html#comments

If I Had Twins

Six-year-old twins, I'm sure
they would begin at some point to
deliberate on who was first born,
or the "bigger brother,"
because I wouldn't tell them
until forced to--
by, let's say Kindergarten teachers
who think in those terms.

And it would be ironic, to be sure.
For I would be thinking about
Esau and Jacob,
and especially the birth-rite . . .
how I do not want to trade my own birth-rite
for immediate gratification . . .

Do we still have birth-rites in this culture?
Are they concrete or abstract?
What kinds of value do we continue
to place on sibling birth chronology?

I'm Out of Control

I feel out of control on my own blog.

I've fallen into a trap of commenting
on every comment.

It makes me feel like a sniveling rat.
Not a proud squirrley with frisky tail.

Commenting on every comment is lame.
For me.
For me, I mean. Geez.

Because for me, commenting on every comment,
feels like I have to justify every word.
Every meaning.

And I don't want to do that.
Because people bring a lot of baggage to text.
People see in writing what they want to see,
often a mirror of the self.

I can't stop that;
I can't control what people see in the mirror of the text.
I can't make people see me.

Yadda Yadda--It's Week 9

Well, the end of the quarter is near.
No sobs here.
A brief update on classes:

WS100 in L is a total wash. Not sure what
I can even hope to gleam from it.
Except to never teach WS100
on a branch campus ever again . . .
and to never use _Feminist Visions_ as my primary text.
That text is a joke!

I think I'm going to be mean next time.
Yeah, mean.
Basically, I'm an accomodating push-over at the moment.
And it's not working out.
No where near the engagement I'm seeking . . .
So, I'm finished with carrots and on to the sticks!
Big ones.

The deaf student and her signers have taken over my class.
Disruptive, I'm afraid.
I should/could give brilliant examples,
but you will just have to trust me on this one.

Did even one student learn a d*mn thing?
I'm not convinced.
For starters (and finishers), their (the class
as a whole) writing is so terrible that I can't
tell what they know and what they don't.
Should I be taking off for bullsh*t?
'Cause I'm sinking in it.

And the excuses
that have come out of that class are unreal!
But my pedagogy requires that I accept
students' authenticity . . .
Did I establish our relationship as professionals
from the start?
If I can get out of there unscathed,
it will be a miracle.


My 152? Ok, but tired.
I think I've exhausted their minds.
They need a break.
We are working on the last paper &
I need to step it up a bit.
But generally speaking it's been a good class--
not stellar mind you, but good.

Their movie reviews?
I haven't graded them yet,
but this is the first class ever
that has interpreted my comments
on graphic design with, uh, construction paper,
glue, and crayola markers.
Yeah.
Sigh.
But I don't think I can count off,
or rip into them, because I never said
NOT
to use construction paper, glue, and crayola markers . . .
Sigh.
Just looking at the pile makes we want to
ax
them in half.
Shhh. Don't tell anyone about that image!
Highly unprofessional.

Speaking of professionality,
my personality is splitting more and more
(ie. people who work with me
and especially take class from me would probably
NEVER expect what swims around my mind
or on this blog),
yet, oddly enough,
I can feel my selves becoming more whole. . .

Don't freak out, I'm speaking in terms
of the postmodern, fragmented selves . . .

Well, and the troublesome doubleganger.
Why can't it teach my classes?
It's just as well.
I think I am pulling myself together,
finding out who I am through teaching . . .

we need a field trip.
I've got to step up my teaching b/c
I'm getting bored. Field trip . . .
community service project?
making a film?!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Forget-You-Not

If you are in the mood for kick-*ss poetry,
check out:

http://absinthe-literary-review.com/poetics/miller.htm

You Are on Your Own

Scientists Say Sunshine May Prevent Cancer
By MARILYNN MARCHIONE, AP Medical Writer
1 hour, 42 minutes ago

Scientists are excited about a vitamin again. But unlike fads that sizzled and fizzled, the evidence this time is strong and keeps growing. If it bears out, it will challenge one of medicine's most fundamental beliefs: that people need to coat themselves with sunscreen whenever they're in the sun. Doing that may actually contribute to far more cancer deaths than it prevents, some researchers think.



I'm not a ludite, but _What the @!#!*! Do We Know?_

Eat Healthy
Excercise
Get Plenty of Rest
Listen to your Soul

Sunday, May 22, 2005

DOUBLEGANGER

That's right, you read it.
I believe I may have a doubleganger following me.

In fact, I believe
that it is posting on this blog,
as well as others,
with the anonymous button
under "SQ," "SQMOJO," and "Mojo."

Do not be fooled.

My true trackmarks are green, I tell you!

I see this form, this figure
especially in mirrors
and downtown window frames . . .
have you ever experienced such anxiety?

How do I rid myself of it?

What I Meant to Post

I know nothing about horses, but I will pretend to follow your "other" argument for just a moment; you said:
"Incidentally, intertextuality is not dialogic because the reference to
> the secondary text is being used to affirm the authorial viewpoint.
> Even when the authorial viewpoint is seeking to undermine something
> current--like, say, a feminist poem that references the experience of
> Sulpicia to emphasize the unchanging position of women in society--the
> references to Sulpicia's text ultimately support the contemporary
> author's main point. So there's no dialog going on in the
> poem--everything moves to one, unified meaning. The fact that the poem
> is posing a question to society about the position of women isn't
> really relevant either, because the poem itself only has one voice.
> Make sense? No? Crap. This has to make sense so I can distinguish
> between it and revisionist mythology, which is intertextual AND
> dialogic, and if I don't find a way to make this make sense I'm going
> to have to say Batstone is just plain wrong, and my thesis committee
> KNOWS Batstone. They aren't going to side with me over him. But if I
> can prove his argument applies to a specific type of intertextuality
> only, then I can present my idea as an extension of his work.
> Brilliant, isn't it? Except the part where it doesn't make sense,
> obviously."

I haven't read Batstone, but are you suggesting that her/his theories relate to a more dialogic approach to poetry than someone else who is arguing that intertextuality = a dialogic approach? [Which I agree, the equation cannot be that simple.] If so, I believe your argument can be made quite successfully--ironically, if you can use Batstone as support. Ha!
Regardless, (ie. if I'm an ass and I misread your whole idea) I find your statement about secondary texts which states, "ultimately support[ing] the contemporary
> author's main point. So there's no dialog going on in the
> poem--everything moves to one, unified meaning. The fact that the poem
> is posing a question to society about the position of women isn't
> really relevant either, because the poem itself only has one voice,"
facinating--to be sure. :-)
Since you are also studing response theory, how can you claim that even a poem that ultimately engages in only one voice (within the space of the poem, I assume?) is/becomes irrelevant when every poem is actually read in the context of "other" (outside) poetry? Even if the poem is a singular voice, it *adds* to the dialogue of various voices from times/spaces, as that dialogue is interpretted from the reference point of a given "reader"? Aiya. I need to diagram what I am trying to say . . . which is that no voice can participate outside of a dialogue? because it is not heard without sometype of interpretation (even if it is a silent interpretation)?

I'm just trying to argue.

Actually--your subject matter sounds facinating. More beers!
And considering my last post, I'm blogging this to redeem myself.

New Powers of the Blog Feel I

O Squirrely 1,
O Squirrely 1. Ummmmm.
Does have a sort of >ping< to it . . .

Darth Sumo? Nah.
Sumo D2? Nah.
ChewSumo? just not . . .
Master Sumo? Yeah!

Darth Blue. Definately.

C3Quipsodelica? Nu-uh.
Padquipme? Perhaps . . .
Yes! Padquipme!

R2Deleted.

Darth 'Vacado. yeah, I'm roll'in now.

YoSwampy.

Queen Peanutadilla.

. . .

can I be satisfied with O Squirrely 1?
ummmmmmm.
when Emperor Squirrley 1 could bring blance to the blog?
I sh*t you not, I hear the orchestra playing in the background.

. . .

O Squirrely 1, remain will I.


[Gee sumo, I spent 24 minutes on this--
did you really mean to initiate such
"ouch-nuh-uh-she-didn't" blogging?]

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Treasure Me B/C I Treasure You

What a waste!

So I have an hour or so to blog--finally.
And I serf.
I serf "Next Blog" for a couple of new blogs to read.

I serf and I serf.
Suddenly, it's been 2 hours, and I find nothing.
Maybe 2 or 3 decent blogs out there.

It's all advertisement.
Or, some of the best blogs appear to be in, gulp, other languages.
Darn our eurocentrism!

Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.

I have another hour and a half of "free time"--what to do?
Jet ski?
Nah.

Why Not? Everyone Else Is.

These Things Come in Threes

Three names you go by:
Squirrleymojo
SQ
Mojo

Three screen names you have had:
That was redundant (kindof).
So I refuse to answer it.

Three physical things you like about yourself:
I am uncomfortable with body dismemberment.
Or any other kind of mutilation.
I love my entire body--it serves me well.

Three parts of your heritage:
Is this racist?
How do you know when something's racist?

Three things that scare you:
Being bored.
Boring others.
Writing sh*t in a public domain. Ooops.
Being out of cheese in the fridge.
Someone finding out my secret identity.
Losing my blogger powers.
For real.
Bleeding through my eyes.
CEOs
The Sith Guy.
Losing an ear ring in an oraface.
Brain Disease.
Hack hackers w/BBQ fingers.
Dirty Q-tip swabs.
Poppycock in my teeth.
Peaking at 32 (er, if I ever get there).

Three things you're wearing now:
sweetpea body splash
golden ribbon & lilacs in hair
and a toga (honestly)


Three of your favorite bands or musical artist:
1,364 times
is enough to answer this question.
Ya?

Three of your favorite songs:
hello?

Three things you want in a relationship:
to feel good about myself & my choices
to give more than I take
to believe in fantasy love again

Two truths and a lie (which one is a lie?)
I used to be a firefighter
I was once charged with felonious assult
I have had plastic surgery

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:
Is this a dating service? or what?
Ok, a lumpy back pocket full of cash? and a weak heart.
With romance gone, I'm complete mercenary.

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Jet Skiing
Stamp & Coin Collecting
Geology
Astronomy
Scuba Diving
Air Hockey
Kite Flying
Tree Climbing
Letter Boxing
Mirror Cleaning
Tweasering Hair
Minature WarCraft Gaming
Golf
BellyDancing
Robot Building

Three things you want to do badly right now:
Be funny/witty/charming/sleeping
Tanzania
Veg out while hiking
Finish up & checkout, so to speak

Three careers you're considering:
President.
Kraft Foods, Inc.
Auto Mechanic.
Squirrel Trainer (naturalized only)

Three places you want to go on vacation:
I don't want to vacation;
I want to live and explore.
I think I need multiple lives & to be conscious of them.

Three kids' names you like:
??!?
Oh yeah: Canute.


Three things you want to do before you die:
Figure it out.

Three celebrity crushes:
Sigh. I'm just no good at this.

No, YOU Get a Life

Yes, this is in fact a _Star Wars_ post.
Kindof.
Yet, also, it is a promise to cancel my subscription
to our local paper today.

Let's explore.

My Local Paper's Political Cartoon:

Fat, gross, white man w/shaggy hair, glasses,
in front of a computer,
in a basement,
slice of pizza in right hand,
Star Wars paraphanilla scattered around.

Caption [from guy's headset]:
"Camping out at the mall will be fun . . .
I'll get my light saber toothbrush
and my Chewbacca jammies-- . . .
remember, no girls allowed!!"

Caption from up the stairs:
"YOU'RE 40! GETTA JOB!!"


After 25 years (?),
and after making $50 million on opening night,
I gotta wonder why the cartoonist
isn't in a second frame himself:

balding and stooped over a wide studio desk,
garfield paraphanilla scattered about,
pencil squeezed in hand,
his tongue hanging out,
caption reading:

"I'm 42! Can't I squeeze out just
one more tired cliche about my kid brother??!"

Friday, May 20, 2005

This Is The Summer: World Tour 2005

If I had amazing children,
this would be the summer
I'd take them on a world tour:

Week 1: South America
Week 2: Africa
Week 3: Europe
Week 4: Asia
Week 5: Australia
Week 6: Antartica

Monday-Thursday we'd choose
books, music, games, crafts, and specific
places and countries to explore.
Posters and diaramas due on Thursday for display;
Thursday night we would invite family & friends
for ethnic dinners (wine!) and entertainment.

Keeping respect for difference at the heart.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

But Why _Milwaukee_?

I was surprised by this low-key story and the significance of the event--but honestly, I couldn't focus on the article because I just kept thinking Milwaukee??

U.S. held meeting with North Korea - White House By Caren Bohan
2 hours, 33 minutes ago
MILWAUKEE, Wis. (Reuters) - U.S. and North Korean diplomats held their first face-to-face talks in five months last week amid increasing signs that Pyongyang is taking steps to advance its nuclear weapons program, the White House said on Thursday.

The American side used the session on Friday to urge North Korea to return to the long-stalled six-party talks on Pyongyang's nuclear program, White House spokesman Trent Duffy told reporters traveling with President Bush.

The North Korean side has yet to respond to the appeal, White House and State Department officials said . . . .

yadda yadda--Milwaukee???

Also, isn't it too late in 2005 for printing these types of headlines:
Rice Commends Kuwait on Giving Women Vote ?
I'm sure some woman out there EARNED that right . . .

And, whew, I thought Donald really was going to scrap the World Trade Center Plans the way US administration came down on News Week:

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Officials in charge of rebuilding the World Trade Center site Wednesday were quick to dismiss real estate developer Donald Trump's proposal to scrap their plan and instead build "reincarnated" Twin Towers similar to the originals.

"Donald Trump is entitled to his opinion, just like the millions of people who actually involved themselves in the public planning process which resulted in the master plan," said a spokesperson for the Lower Manhattan Development Corp., the agency overseeing rebuilding on the 16-acre site hit by the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

That master plan, designed by Daniel Libeskind and David Childs, features a 1,776-foot "Freedom Tower" and a 4.5-acre area for a memorial to 9/11 victims.

But Trump told reporters at a news conference: "Throw it all away."

The agency spokesperson said, "It would be a mistake to ignore the democratic process that resulted in a consensus about planning for the site. We will continue to move forward with the master site plan."

Already, the cornerstone for the Freedom Tower has been laid on the site, though earlier this month New York Gov. George Pataki announced that the iconic tower would be tweaked to accommodate security concerns raised by the New York Police Department. A revised tower design is to be unveiled next month.



I refuse to tell you all where I am being dragged off to tonight at 9:50pm. It's just too d*mn embarrassing . . .

Uh, Some Freak Just Commented on an Old Old Post

Who knew?
Who knew people would dig into your "archives"?
Never even suspected I was that interesting.

Found this in my email this morning.

Said post:
You're kidding right?

You called the cops because some drunk guy hit on you? Or did I read that incorrectly?
Women freak out way too easily. , most murders,rapes, *bad things* happen to women from men they trust/adore/love etc. Not from drunks in stores.
It's people like you that call the cops everytime your panties ride up uncomfortably that cause MY taxes to go up to pay for more law enforcement.
blue2go said... Dangerous situations, both in the posting and in Dragonfly's comment.
Dangerous is leaving the house on that "first date". Hell, dangerous is leaving the house.
Build a bomb shelter, stock it really well, and never leave home.


End

I tried to wade through my past blogs, honestly I tried, to dig up this dirt--but who cares? Anyway, I think the proper response this "guy" is looking for might look something like this (if I wasn't so d*mn lazy):


FREAK OUT???!!? FREAK OUT??!! What the hell?? You are a total ASS, you, you big JERK!! LIKE, he wanted my body, and like, he was OLD and NASTY. You think us girls freak out over murder and rape?? WTF? What's to freak out about those *bad things* when I've got my face on, hair done, and booty shak'in? And you know what, ASSHOLE? I don't even wear panties, you big loser! Screw your stupid taxes--I like a man in uniform come to rescue me, Yeah, a REAL man--not some whiney baby-boy come scrawling all over my blog without a dick from which to piss from! can't even leave a name or handle--grow a pair! you have a few things left to learn about women! BTW, if you really are sorry, I'll understand, my number is 555-5555 . . .


Yeah, I'd write something like that, but I'm just not in the zone. Not feeling it. I think the post was originally about drinking and driving--the guy stumbling over drunk at the counter . . . sigh. Laugh. Giggle giggle. Sigh. Who needs a bomb shelter when a swift, solid knee to the groin and a palm to nose has always worked just fine in the past?

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Favorite Yoga Stance

My favorite Yoga stance
is Warrior II.

I know it's a bit elementary,
but it makes me feel like
Zhang Ziyi
in Crouching/Hidden or
House of Flying Daggers.

Perhaps I'll stay home today
and watch beautiful
fairytale kung fu--
or not. Darn conscious.

Class Action Lawsuit

Have you ever been unwittingly
drawn into a class action lawsuit?
I have.
On a couple of occasions actually.

The latest?
Against AT&T Wireless.
The joy coursed through my veins.
Last year, around this time, AT&T = the bane of my exisitance.

Apparently Mark R and Richard G,
whose names appear as Plaintiffs in the case,
would not bend over and take AT&T's missmanagement.
Ironically, AT&T had (they are dismembered now?)
severe communication problems between departments.

It seems that when members canceled their plans,
AT&T continued to charge them for the remainder
of the billing cycle for that month.
Tsk Tsk.

But before you get all excited for me when I type:
$2,100,000. 00
as part of the agreed Settlement benefits,
just know that I, along with a few other thousand people,
am only entitled to a 50 minute phone card--
if I choose to file a claim for benefits.

The $2,100,000.00 ?
Good question.
"Plaintiff's reasonable attorneys' fees and expenses."

Sigh.

Why do I feel used again? and again?

A Favorite Poem

T.S. Eliot (1888–1965).

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.


LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
. . . . .
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Monday, May 16, 2005

WS 100 Study Guide for Exam II
Terminology


images of beauty
nature v culture
contamination
anorexia nervosa
buliema
assimilated
good health
breast cancer
medicalization
eugenics
abortion
family
junior partner / senior partner
class contradictions in Mothering
unpaid domestic labor
horizontal segregation
vertical segregation
pink collar worker
glass ceiling
biological determinalism
sexual harassment
job flirt


Quotes


____________ So long as clothing was made at home, the dimensions of the garment could be adjusted to the particular body intended to wear it. But with store-bought clothes, the body had to fit instantaneously into standard sizes that were constructed from a pattern representing a norm.

____________ There was a special intensity about breasts because of the attitudes of doctors, mothers, and advertisers, all of whom considered breast development critical to adult female identity and success.

____________ Street guys would brag (“I’m a three-pad man”) or answer praise from a buddy (“Man, you lookin’ good!) by giving fives and saying, “Yeah, man, I’m on the rag!”

____________ Our activism is directed at our most visible “oppressors”–the media and entertainment industries. Rather than holding marches or rallies, many young women create zines, websites, music, films and videos that counter images we deem insulting or dangerous.

____________ I see little girls with their hair in braids and Senegalese twists sporting cute little T-shirts that say HAPPY TO BE NAPPY and I get teary-eyed.

____________ Not that they were dragged kicking and screaming to the doctor’s office; no, they were coerced and shamed into [having a nose job].

____________ After all, we live in a system that makes it difficult for women to earn as much money in jobs that don’t involve their beauty or their sexuality.

____________ The prospective wife and mother is kept in complete ignorance of her only asset in the competitive field–sex.

____________ Thus Dante’s motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage [:]”Ye who enter here leave all hope behind.”

____________ Dichotomies of the moralized poles of the good virtuous mother and the evil neglectful one are carefully maintained in the public imagination and in public policies.

____________ The central question is whether management thinks of lower-wage workers as important to their companies, and therefore deserving of benefits.

____________ My choices were discouragingly simple: either survive graduate school and work in academia, or risk being swallowed up into a black hole of McJobdom and losing the security and prospects of my middle-class upbringing.

____________ Women, men, and feminism must redirect the profit motive, confront the widening gap between the wealthy and the underclasses, and produce options beyond the present corporate model.

____________ Temporaries, like many service workers, were expected to smile whether or not they were particularly happy . . .

____________ Agency representatives often infantilize the workers, diminishing the significance of their complaints, their capability to read situations correctly, and their ability to take constructive action. They are seen as hysterical, overreacting, or oversensitive women . . .

Sunday, May 15, 2005

MOUNT RUSHMORE NATIONAL MEMORIAL, South Dakota (AP & CNN & My Crappy Home Town Paper even!) -- The huge granite faces of presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt evoke the ideals of the country's leaders as America changed from rural republic to world power.

To many American Indians, though, the imposing monument in the Black Hills is a painful symbol of treaties broken by the federal government. And they want their story told.

The man doing that is the park's superintendent, Gerard Baker, himself an American Indian who completes his first year on the job May 31. His potential audience is 3 million annually, the number of visitors to the memorial each year.

"What I want to do is educate America, including Indian people, children mainly, as to how the Indian people lived before the coming of the white man," Baker said.

A member of North Dakota's Mandan and Hidatsa tribes, Baker acknowledged he doesn't like controversy but deals with it because of his desire to educate people and challenge them to learn more about different cultures.

One of the memorial's most ardent opponents is Charmaine White Face, who heads Defenders of the Black Hills.

"Many of us consider this our treaty territory," White Face explained. "Mount Rushmore is an insult because the Black Hills are sacred."

White Face complimented Baker for his education philosophy but said she has conflicted feelings about him holding the park's top post.

"His presence implies to the millions of tourists that we agree with that monstrosity, that desecration," she said.

Before coming to Mount Rushmore, Baker had overseen Chickasaw National Recreation Area in Oklahoma, the Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument in Montana and the Lewis & Clark National Historic Trail.

Baker said he took the job only after talking to his family and elders at the Fort Berthold Indian Reservation, where he grew up.

In the end, he said he decided he could use the position for good by informing people about a part of U.S. history they may not be familiar with.

Baker said he wants to teach people about "not only teepees and horses and battles, but families," he said. "What did Grandma do? What did Grandpa do? What did the kids to do?"

Baker said changes at the park will come in "baby steps." He said he plans eventually to include information about the government's breaking of treaties with American Indian tribes.

"We know about the breaking of the treaties, the taking of the Black Hills," he said. "I'm not too concerned at this point in time to get that message out right away."

Baker said his first goal has been to introduce visitors to a variety of cultures through presentations and he has already invited Norwegians, Russians and people from some American Indian tribes as presenters.

"The people loved it," he said. "The people are hungry for this."

Baker said he hired a cultural demonstrator to head up the effort and wants to open walking trails on the 1,000-acre memorial to use nature as a classroom.

However, "you also have to tell the negative side of the story," he said. "I don't think we've ever done that."



Big hugs to Gerard Baker--someone using his powers for the good of all people everywhere tonight. Thank you for making all the right choices that led to this moment in your life that you share with others. Wishing you the best, xoxo

It Didn't Work

Perhaps I didn't concentrate hard enough.
But the clearer path has yet to make itself apparent.

I took another 152 class this Fall, because a good friend
became the Director of Composition for the next 3 years.
Working for her would be terrific.

I imagine that if I had children
this search for focus would be the same for them.
For example, I'd take Twin B to soccer all season
and watch him trail comfortably behind the pack as they hustled.
He'd probably be afraid to hurt anyone by kicking the ball away.
Or somehow see it as rude.
Why bust in on everyone's fun?

Then, say, at the last quarter, of the last game of the season,
(incidentally, I'd probably miss it
because I would be a swim practice with Twin A)
Twin B would finally get to do the "kick in."
This is a move at the begining of the quarter
that acts as a perfect metaphor:
the center player of the 3 front team members
gets to totally focus on a still ball
and run up to kick it toward the goal.

Having the play of the game stopped,
and being able to totally focus on the ball,
I just know Twin B would make his first, his first GOAL.
And even though I'd probably miss it,
someone would get it on video, I'm sure.
There would be a celebration afterward.


So, yeah, if everything would just stop,
and I could get a clearer sense of the goal,
I'm sure I could make it.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Clear

I just need to clear my mind and try to think.
There must be a clearer path.

Good Enough: 5:36pm on Thursday = Friday to Me

Take the day off.
Squirrley told you to.

Run in circles screaming that your ENG 152 Instructor
just showed a film with full frontal nudity--

I don't care--I don't care!
It's Friday, the sky is falling silver and red,
and it's Friday!

I Hate Talking on the Phone

Why can't people just email me?
That is my perferred method of communication.

Why?
Cause I guess I'm permanately withdrawn--
bite me. Some people are.
And maybe it's not healthy,
but it's there, so don't ignore it.

Just don't call me unless you have a short,
pointed
reason for doing so.
Let's just keep it professional people.
It's how I like it.

Stress Constellation

Great.
I have a stress constellation (c) on my left cheek.
Facial cheek.
Five stars, clustered together.
I think I will call it Little Trapezoid.

Yikes, I'm burning my popcorn--

I Think Most Christians Don't Like My Blog :-(

Open my eyes to Your heart Lord,
Open my eyes to Your heart,
I want to see You
I want to see You . . .



I confess, I still mumble a bit
in an old hardcopy journal
I received as a gift a couple years ago.

Back in March of 2002,
I must have been studing the Book of Ruth
because I have written:

For if you remain silent at this time,
relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place,
but you and your father's family will perish.
And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?

[Frick'en] Profit Driven Economy

The strangest thing:

My interpretor is throughly enjoying my lectures.
The title of this post shares the title of last night's lecture.

After I spend the first hour illustrating that most
of our social woas can be traced back to the formulas:
Profit Driven Economy + Patriarch = Oppression
and
Poverty + Lack of Childcare = Violence,
the interpretor decides to chat with me during break.

And what a nice, fruitful chat it is.

Because, as you will see,
we hit it off swimmingly,
sharing our desires to improve our communities
and speaking to what our partners are doing.

And because it just fit well into the conversation,
I mentioned that my own partner had just turned in his LOR
at ____________ due to ethical reasons involving
the conflict between the Profit Driven Economy (PDE)
and social services.

The interpretor's partner?
Happens to be on the Board of said company.
(Yeah, I know. I was teaching in L and this is happening in C.)

I hope I've put a bee in a bonnet.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Someone Notify the Authorities

# Did I mention that when I used the words "Bitch"
and "Whore" in my lecture on Monday,
the interpretor made a straight, horizontal line
with her hand and wiggled her fingers?

Yes, I was censored by the interpretor.
Was it against her moral conscious to render such service?


# SUVs must not come with turn signals. Umph. Who knew?


# A young(ok, "ish") man looked down my blouce today. Ironically,
coming from a teacher of feminism,
I almost laughed--I'm alive !(?)
I think I must give off an aura where most men and women
would never dare look down my blouce . . .
So wait, who does he think he is??? Now, that's better alignment.


# Even though my partner just handed in a Letter of Resignation
today--and we don't know what food July might bring--
I still want to go on vaction . . . how american . . .


# So, I shit you not, my partner hands in the letter,
goes to lunch with a networking/contact/friend,
and bumps into all of the old peers going to lunch at the same place!
How awkward is that?


I gotta go--I blog the most when there is "real" work to be done.


I know what's under here.  Posted by Hello

A Friend of a Friend

A friend of a friend of a friend
(b/c how would I know?)
told me that nowadays
school pictures are taken twice:
once in the fall, the traditional way,
and once in the spring.

The school pictures taken in the spring
are by a more professional studio with forest-like
backgrounds, and the child can even bring in a small
toy or stuffed animal.

The studio takes these portraits, often w/o parental consent,
prints off the pictures in adorable sets
and sends home the packets with the child.

The parents look at the pic,
buy only the sheets they want,
and send any pictures they don't want back to the school,
through the child,
to be shredded. Shredded.

Yeah.

The friend of a friend of a friend?
Her little boy just started Kindergarten this year
and has a wee little incisor sticking out of his wee little grin
super-imposed against a magical forest of Neverland.

Shredded. Not everyone can afford XXX.XX at the drop of smile.
Another little girl in kindergarten,
the rumor goes,
lost her mother (a single mom at that) to diabetes this year . . .
I wonder if her picture will have to be shredded too . . .

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

A Song You Shouldn't Know:Protect the Innocence of Thine Eyes

I like apples and bananas.
I like apples and bananas.
I like apples and bananas.
Apples and bananas I like.

A lake applas and bananas.
A lake applas and bananas.
A lake applas and bananas.
Applas and bananas A lake.

E leek epples end beenenes.
E leek epples end beenenes.
E leek epples end beenenes.
Epples end beenenes E leek.

I like ipplis ind bininis.
I like ipplis ind bininis.

you get the idea . . .

Day 18--Will It Never End?

The drama around here intensifies.

My partner's boss is so desperate to get in touch
with him that he has resorted to leaving phone
messages for me.

Which really pisses me off.

I don't know this jerk. WTF?
I don't think he really wants to talk to me . . .
I've fantasized too long on what I would say.


Last night, two sign language instructors
barged into my class with a huge dramatic ruse
in order to sign for a deaf woman
without going through all of the paper work.
[This is week 7 of our 10 week quarter; she has refused
all aid from the University. Until she received
her midterm grade last week, which was a 78. I
suspect she is not reading the material, but hey,
I could be wrong.]

The ruse these two women
contrived hurt my feelings, because, as all of you know,
I would certainly have no objections--so why the game?
I'll tell you why, these instructors act as if
this campus is their own personal playground;
they also, without asking permission, broke into
my lecture with a student from their class
(which meets at the same time a few doors down)
who is learning to sign in my class!

Fabulous, sure. Actually, I love it.
I have no problems.
Certainly the entire affair was disruptive.
And "asking" would have been great.
But I welcome this opportunity.
Yet, I suppose that b/c they are affiliated with this branch,
and I am the "outsider" from the main campus,
they feel a need to resort to schemes {I know I haven't
told you the details of the drama, but it's boring}?
To make it appear as if I didn't have choices
in my own classroom?
We instructors can be notoriously territorial.

Do I look dumb?

Cause people are treating me as if I am--
and that's a whole 'nother post baby.

I want this woman to learn sign--
I have no objections whatsoever.
I kindof wish I did,
so I could take my domestic frustrations
out on the public sphere . . .

But it was neat--
to "see" my language.
The signers actually stopped me 3-4 times
to specify a word. For example,
I use "dichotomy" alot.

Of course, given my personality,
I felt rather monitored.
But I was, well, great last night.
I really just wanted to slack off the next 4 weeks!
Well! I did!
I am so emotionally exhausted.
But now, with other instructors
coming and going,
I have to be on my game.
The signers said our topics were fascinating.
They are all women.

The main campus does not recognize Sign
as a foreign language.

I see so much to battle for--
I'd have to take crack
to keep up on all the activism.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Fudge!

That's 2 jobs I've applied for in one year
that I didn't get; at this rate . . .

And now a horrid sunburn on my shoulders--again?!

Where can I find solace??

Why I Am Like I Am

I read lots of stories like this one:


Witnesses: Dog cared for abandoned baby
Monday, May 9, 2005 Posted: 9:02 AM EDT (1302 GMT)
NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) -- A nursing dog foraging for food retrieved an abandoned baby girl in a forest in Kenya and carried the infant to its litter of puppies, witnesses said Monday.

The stray dog carried the infant across a busy road and a barbed wire fence in a poor neighborhood near the Ngong Forests in the capital, Nairobi, Stephen Thoya told the independent Daily Nation newspaper.

The dog apparently found the baby Friday in the plastic bag in which the infant had been abandoned, said Aggrey Mwalimu, owner of the compound where the animal is now living. It was unclear how the baby survived in the bag without suffocating.

Doctors said the baby had been abandoned about two days before the dog discovered her. Medical workers later found maggots in the infant's umbilical cord, a product of days of neglect, Hannah Gakuo, the spokeswoman of the Kenyatta National Hospital, where the girl was taken for treatment, said Monday. No one has yet claimed the baby, she said.

But the 3.3 kilogram (7.28 pounds) infant "is doing well, responding to treatment, she is stable ... she is on antibiotics," Gakuo told The Associated Press. Workers at the hospital are calling the child Angel, she said.

Unwanted infants are often abandoned in Kenya -- sometimes they are even dumped into pit latrines. Poverty and mothers' failed relationships with fathers are often blamed for the problem, and Kenya's weak law enforcement and social security systems means that most people who abandon babies are never caught.

"Abandoned babies are normally taken to the Kenyatta National Hospital because it is a public hospital," Gakuo said. "People are now donating diapers and baby clothes for this one."

Not all abandoned infants are as lucky -- another stray dog ate the cheek of an abandoned infant some three years ago.


I'm not sure how the intricate networking of instantaneous news, such as these types of stories (that would have never been heard of even 10 years ago), shapes my own psyche, my own world view--but I'm sure to be molded by these types of events . . . whether I empathize and mutter a prayer, become an activist and work on legislation, blog the story to a few friends over coffee, hide the evidence and ponder it in my heart, or simply ignore the pain and breeze on to my daily routines . . . But really, I think it's much more complicated than that.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

What If I Didn't Want to?

What if I didn't want to think of you
as an angel in despair?
Or a rock my mother once found
while on a picnic in the Sahara?
I pick my teeth and find bits of corn,
broken artifacts of flour and maze
lost in my very blood.

But I won't write about it.

I won't write because I won't research.
I want it to come oh so easily,
lapping it up beside a pool all day.

I saw into the fog one night
all the ghosts I'd ever heard of then I understood.
Finally.
Yet I scythed right through the wisps
in a desperate perspective tunneled to a blind horizon.

And the lemons never make my saliva ducts ache
the way you once described,
I just feel the tips of my fingers
grazing the surface of that pool.

I'd chase you,
but there's nothing there.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Not for a Sunny Saturday

We just played the funnest board game a couple of weeks ago--HeroScape. My Ninja Assassins, however, did not kick butt; infact, one was eaten by a dinosaur . . .

Perhaps my most favorite game, right now, would be Settlers of Catan; I like a game where building appears to be the main objective (even though it often turns to deconstructing one's opponent).

I loathe Scrabble--for obvious reasons.

I have a friend who says she can kick my butt at Risk; however, since she currently resides accross the Atlantic, this has yet to be proven. I am undefeated at LOTR Risk (but I've only played one other person).

In 4th grade I was vied for champ at Connect Four, a game that has since lost its appeal. Oh, and Checkers has always been fabulous--especially Chinese.

Othello, Pente, Jotto, and Backgammon are all very distracting when puzzling the mysteries of the universe . . .

I've been playing Cards since I was 4; Canasta is must; Euchre is horrible to spell but fantastic with the right partner; and sadly enough, I do admit to enjoying Texas Hold'em. UNO and Phase Ten are cute.

I once played Clue, Monopoly, Parcheesi, Sorry, and Agervation, but no longer. I hate to play Chess b/c of its cultural eqivalance to Shakespeare: I never want to lose, or risk loosing.

At parties, no one ever wants to play Taboo, Charades, Trivia Pursuit, Boulderdash, Adverteasing, Pictionary, or Twister, except me.

Did I mention Battle Bowl? I know nothing of football, but this game is fun.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Post is Deleted

These past months,
I've been true to myself on here.
Wherever I go; whatever I say.

Today is the first post I've ever deleted.
And, curiously, I don't know why.

Could it be:
1)I don't want RL friends reading those thoughts
2)I don't want to disrupt the fictious self
I've created on here
3)I don't even want to face those thoughts myself?

I think it's number 3.

BTW--I am so cutting edge.
I thought of this a couple weeks ago [sure, but I did],
and someone has put it into action:

http://darthside.blogspot.com/

take a peek. What a great marketing strategy.
How come I don't know how to make $$$ off my ideas?

Thursday, May 05, 2005

So Help Me, You Ugly Bullies!

If our local paper goes up to 50 cents
I'll never buy it again!

Student, Stirrups, & Blowing Coffee

Fantastic, swampy!
Just the reaction I was hoping for.
Now the big let down:

At the, er, climax of our discussion
in WS last night,
I remembered an old argument
& posed it to the class:

Why isn't there an oral contraceptive for men?
To regulate the fertility of their sperm?


We had previously discussed the role of male-dominated
fields of medicine, biology, chemistry, etc.
up until the 60s [when the pill first came into wide use].

So, we theorized that male scientist,
when posed with the task of controlling reproduction,
chose to graph that control onto the female body
rather than their own . . .

Well, J [who is actually quite a sexy, 24 year-old, suck-up]
decided to expand on that argument
and, er, interject
that men needed to feel empowered & virile
at all times.

The predominately female class exploded.
Women need to feel virile as well, d*mnit!

At that point, in an epiphanic moment,
I exclaimed:
"You know what J?
You will never be in stirrups!"

The class roared.

But it's true (unless J's a lot
kinkier than I imagine), because men
dominate the medical practice.

So, on the one hand, with the exception of the condom,
the reproduction responsibility rests on the female.
And in order for her to have access to convenient methods
(ie. the pill, IUDs, diaphragm),
she must be subjected to utter humiliation
in the stirrup position (in most cases).
No wonder young, sexualy active girls
will not go see a GYN!

And men? Hands off my penis!
I had a friend who had a vasectomy several years ago;
he sat in a recyliner in a Dr.'s office!
Can you imagine if men were put in stirrups?

Further, I can only guess where this post has placed your minds,
but I don't want to hear any discussion about how
difficult it can be to access the female reproductive system.
Become inventive!
For instance,
what are those rollie-bench-thingies mechanics use
to look under cars?

Back from the Dead with More Rain in the Forecast

I've seen, heard, and experienced so much
that I want to tell you about:

+ My mirror has been cleaved in half;
the bottom half is tilted in such a way
that my entire mid section
looks pulled & stretched. Fabulously lengthy.
The mirror
reflects an image that looks utterly trim
and healthy (if not way exagerated)--just like
in pop culture. I never want to fix this mirror.

+ I'm working on Habitat's newsletter today:
"Family Selection
The Committee has made two visits to families
applying for houses. There will be a meeting
in April to review the findings of the interviewers.
We have not found a family for the house
that is available in P County. If you have a family
in P County that needs decent housing
and will meet the criteria, please contact
the Habitat Office at (555) 555-5555.
This house needs a family that will make it a home
not just a structure. We also need new applicants
that will be for the 2006 build.
Our families are getting anxious for their houses this year.
The P family are looking forward to their house
being delivered soon so they can start on the inside.
Keep in mind these families are given to us by God
and we are His hands and feet
so they can have a portion of His Blessings.
"

I didn't write this.
Obviously.
Not only am I sucking it up through all the choppy sentence structures,
but that last bit is very disturbing:
Keep in mind these families are given to us by God
and we are his hands and feet
so they can have a portion of His Blessings.


So, we at this organization
are a part of God's very body,
His hands and feet--esential parts--,
and we must help those in need
have a "portion" of His blessings?
What a binary!
After what I saw at the groundbreaking ceremony,
I can testify to "portion" indeed.
And the people presented themselves in a very god-like manner . . .

Why am I so harsh!?! geez, I should give people a break!

Also, I recommended "chairperson" (hello, 2005 here)
instead of "chairman." Dead silence.
A total bomb shell.
Why do I have to rain on everyone's parade??

+ I was looking for X pair of black sandles and found
Y pair of black sandals!! I had forgotten all about Y!
Yeah! A secret treasure rediscovered! My feet look
good and feel great today.


Yikes--I'm out of time, but come back today
because I want to tell you about my student, J,
last night and the stirrups.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Wednesday: HUMP Day Strikes Back

____________GASP____________.


I pay taxes in three cities??!?


____________choke___sputter___.


Thanks for the offer, but I thought I'd
better show myself before the search dogs,
before the FBI drag me back
with a towel over my head.

Commuting to 2 campuses sucks.
I didn't realize I'd have to pay for
such an honor.

And by the way,
I simply can't teach Women Studies ever again.
Too much on the psyche--
to realize how helpless one can be,
caught in these huge systems of oppression . . .


For example,
tonight, in a mere matter of minutes,
I'll have to quote:

"Yet, there is also evidence that biology
isn't exclusively responsible for depression
in women. Studies have also pointed
to the role of life experiences,
particularly those of being in
an abusive relationship [shouldn't that be plural??],
experiencing poverty,
raising children without support,
and having a lack of control over one's fate,
as contributing to depression in women" (Visions 265).

Sigh.

Meanwhile, back at the SQMojo Cave,
my partner's CEO calls to ask, um,
when he's coming back to work?
Uh, like, never [but he tells the CEO he
is on medical leave--which is true at this point].
So, tomorrow, the horned CEO is meeting
with my partner's staff & redistributing work . . .

I too will be out of work come the 2nd week of June.
Whew! Good thing those imaginary cyotes
are just that--imaginary!
But, it being just the two of us--we'll thrive
in this forsaken society, I'm sure.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Tuesday Morning: Must . . . Survive . . .

___^__________________.

Monday, May 02, 2005

The Monday Morning Flatline

_________________________ .

Sunday, May 01, 2005

A Sad Decision, But an Honest One (I Hope)

Ok folks, I may have just damaged my career,
but this is what I sent out ten minutes ago.
You know, I am seriously sad that I *can't* write such a letter!
I wish I could spread the love--
it'd be great to write wonderful praise
in honor of a great mentor!
But darnit, he didn't give me any love to spread.
I hope the whole department doesn't think poorly of me,
and that all of my hard work doesn't get wiped out
with one push on the SEND button . . .

D,
After much consideration, and a bit of soul searching if you will, I humbly regret that I cannot assist you in letters for Dr. M. Although I am grateful for all of his assistance during my MA program, and I continue to wish well for Dr. M, I would not be able to compose any sort of letter beyond what I have just written. However, I am confident that the letters you receive from the PhD students will be more than enough.

I have taken the liberty of CCing J, if you should require any further explanation.

Sincerely,
SquirrleyMojo

Just How Much Can an Ego Take?

So, I show up at the Ground Breaking ceremony
for Habitat's Women's Build,
totally against my will after this horrid week
I've just had,
and I get totally snubbed!

Two gra/ey hairs whom I am introduced to
look me up and down, say "pleeeeased, I'm sure,"
and quite litterally turn their backs to me the entire time.
Physically blocking me from moving "inward" so to speak.

And you know what?
I firmly believe it is because I wore, gulp, jeans.
I mean, I knew there would be lots of suits,
perhaps getting out of church,
and I knew there would be lots of gra/ey hair.
But I also considered the "mission" of this building project
and the desire to contect with folks in that neighborhood . . .
plus, I've been over-dressing every where I go . . .
so I compromised, risking it for the first time,
and wore jeans with a nice blouce.

Jeans = snub-o-rama.

Yet, I wasn't the only person to wear jeans. In fact, one lovely speaker did as well. One older woman wore her volunteer t-shirt even. I mean, come on, this wasn't a ground breaking for a hospital or anything--Barely 25 people showed up!

I casually left after the last speaker;
no need to embarrass anyone on the way out.

Good Morning Cruel World

That's all I have to say.
After a night of sweet love making,
I've decided to go on.